Category: Learning

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Board Meeting

Friday night, Andra and I went out to dinner with friends. We tried a new dumpling restaurant in Tampa… and we had a great time.

It wasn’t until later that it hit me.

That was a board meeting.

Andy Andrews is one of my favorite authors. He talks about having a board of directors for his life. People he can reach out to on different topics. He has a marriage guy. A finance guy. A retirement guy. A health guy. Each one sits on his board as an advisor… someone who can speak into one part of his life.

Here’s the interesting thing. None of those people actually know they’re on his board.

He never sends out an agenda. Never calls a vote. He just pays attention to who is speaking into his life… and he gains wisdom from their experience instead of learning every lesson the hard way.

Back to Friday night. We sat around that table and laughed. We gave each other a hard time, the way good friends do.

Some of the people at that table didn’t say much. We didn’t have any deep conversation. Nobody solved anybody’s problems. Nobody handed out advice.

But their presence alone added something to my life.

Some people are like that. It’s not what they say… it’s just that they’re there.

Board meetings matter. The right people help you stay on track. They hold you accountable. They give you direction. And when things get tough, they bring support and nourishment. Sometimes that nourishment comes in the form of dumplings, and sometimes it comes as a “kick in the dumplings”!

Solomon put it this way: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22, NIV).

So let me ask you…

Who’s on your board? Who is allowed to tell you things you may not want to hear? Who can see your blind spots? We all have them… and we need these people.

When’s your next board meeting?

Don’t wait for someone else to call it. Pick up the phone… book the table… and put it on the calendar. Just don’t tell them why!

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Webworms…

A few weeks ago we had our yard completely re-landscaped. Part of the job was replacing the sod in the entire backyard and down the side yard. When the crew finished, I stood in the backyard and just looked at it. Thick. Green. Perfect. I had a yard again!

Fast forward two weeks.

My wife tells me, “The grass isn’t looking too good on the side of the yard.”

So I walk over to the side of the yard and take a look. Sure enough, she’s right. It’s looking like it’s dying.

Now, I’ve been down this road before, so I thought I knew exactly what was going on. The irrigation must not be getting it enough water. I spent a Sunday afternoon checking the heads, checking the coverage, making sure every inch of that new grass was getting what it needed. I adjusted the timer and gave it more time. Problem solved.

Two weeks go by. I look at the side yard again.

The brown spots weren’t just still there. They had spread. What started as a couple of patches was now about two-thirds of my backyard.

I immediately called Steve from our landscaping company. He pulled up, got out of his truck, took about ten steps toward the sod, stopped, and said, “Oh my gosh. You’ve got sod webworms.”

I had no idea what a sod webworm was.

But sure enough, when you get down low and really look, you can see where the edges of the blades of grass have been chewed. What Steve told me was that webworms hide down in the thatch during the day. They come out at night, and they eat.

And you never see them.

Think about that for a minute. I had been out there with my sprinkler heads and my timer, fixing the wrong problem. Everything I could see told me the grass needed water, so I gave it more water. Meanwhile, every single night, something I couldn’t see was quietly eating away at it.

Ten steps. That’s all it took for someone who knew what to look for.

I went out, bought grub killer, and put it down on the yard immediately. Steve told me he doubts the grass will come back. But I’m hopeful.

Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about those webworms. Not the ones in my yard….

The ones in my life.

I just have to wonder. What are those things that are slowly eating away at the roots of my life? The things that are quietly stealing the joy out of my life?

And what am I doing about it? Am I ignoring it? Am I hoping it just goes away?

There are lots of things working below the surface of our lives. Nobody sees them. Most days we don’t even see them ourselves. But they have dramatic impacts.

The world today is built around what shows on the surface. Keep it green on top and nobody asks questions. And yet the webworms are still down there, and they still need to be dealt with.

The fact is, doing nothing is a choice too, and so is adjusting the timer and hoping for the best.

So this week, I’m asking myself a simple question, and I’ll ask you too.

What’s eating at you while you sleep? And what are you going to do about it?

Green on top doesn’t always mean everything’s healthy underneath.

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Stepping back…

Some days I feel like such a fake.

I wake up and go thru my routine and continue through my day ignoring what is going on around me and in the world at large. Our world is literally on fire and is filled with uncertainty…yet we pretend it’s just another day. My day is filled with addressing the priorities of others and embracing the belief that those priorities are the only important thing in the moment simply return me home each night exhausted and spent. The days are sometimes…just a grind.

So this morning while I’m on the treadmill…this video pops up on my feed… and after watching it…I find tears are streaming down my face. What the heck! Where did that come from? So I watched it again…

What I realized was that my soul needs this and it thirsts for me to step back and recognize the simplicity and beauty of the simple things in my life and world…music, smiles and playfulness…things that the grind feeds on… and robs me of.

So today…I will.

I’ll take a moment to watch it again…and again and begin to embrace the life, the beauty and the goodness…not only of this life…but in the one that gave it to me.

Every breath you take…I’ll be watching you…

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Do Over…

If I had a million dollars, I would’ve produced a TV show called Do Over. The whole idea would be simple: sit down with people and ask them about the one moment in their life they’d love to go back and experience again—not to fix it, not to guarantee a better outcome, but just to step back into it one more time. A true do over.

The show would start by interviewing the person about why that moment mattered so much. Then we’d follow them as they prepared for it—getting in shape, relearning old skills, losing weight, getting a makeover…whatever it took to authentically place them back in that moment. After that, the producers would recreate the situation so they could actually live it again. Cameras rolling, we’d all watch it unfold—however it unfolded. And when it was over, we’d sit with them again and hear what changed, what surprised them, what stung, and what healed. They’d get to see the moment through a new lens, with the wisdom they’ve gained over time.

I think that would be a great show to watch.

So what would my do over be?
No question—I’d play one more quarter of high school football for my hometown Radford Bobcats.

Back then, I was #5, the quarterback. In a small town, that wasn’t just a position; it was an identity. I worked hard, but the truth is, I was average at best. I didn’t have the size, the speed, or the smarts. My passes weren’t all that accurate, and I wasn’t all that strong. When I look back on those games—now more than 50 years ago—I’m met with a familiar feeling of regret. I regret not knowing then what I know now. I regret not throwing catchable balls instead of trying to knock my receivers down with them. I regret not relaxing, not enjoying the game, not appreciating the guys around me. For decades, my memories were nothing but fumbles under center and incomplete passes.

Those were my memories…until recently.

I stumbled across a YouTube channel that had many of my old games from 1974, 1975, and 1976. I’ve spent hours watching them—good games and not‑so‑good ones. But the thing I’ve enjoyed most is seeing that young version of me play a whole lot better than I remembered. I did complete passes. I didn’t fumble as much as I thought. Sure, I drifted too deep in the backfield on sweep plays (just like Coach Lyndon always told me not to), but overall…I was better than the story I’d been telling myself for 50 years.

In a way, I got a small do over—at least in my own mind.

And it makes me wonder: what else in my life would look different if I could see it again? Old relationships I’ve beaten myself up over—would they look the same? Moments I’ve replayed through the years—would they feel different now? And the filters I’ve adopted, the ones I use to interpret the world based on how I think something went—how accurate are they, really?

I hope someone out there reads this someday and has the resources to create a show like Do Over. I think it could do the world a lot of good. It might teach us that our memories aren’t always the truth, and that we always have the chance to revisit moments with more grace, more understanding, and more kindness toward ourselves.

And if that day ever comes—if it’s not too late—sign me up as contestant number one.
I’d love one more quarter.

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Start…

There’s a phrase I’ve heard a thousand times: “It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.”
And I get it—finishing matters. Finishing builds legacy. Finishing earns respect.

But here’s the part people forget:

If you don’t start… you can’t finish.

You can literally change the entire trajectory of your life with one simple decision—a start. A first step. A moment when faith rises just enough to push you forward. A moment where something inside you says, “Okay… let’s do this.”

We underestimate that moment.
We underestimate the power packed into a beginning.

Because starting is emotional.
Starting holds both excitement and anxiety.
Starting whispers possibilities while fear whispers what-ifs.

And yet… every meaningful thing in our lives—every breakthrough, every relationship, every change, every accomplishment—was born in that fragile little moment called start.

It’s why I love Mondays.
Most people dread them.
I welcome them.

Monday is a built-in reminder from God: Here’s a fresh start.
A reset.
A new mercy.
A clean page where nothing has been written yet.

Our lives are full of endless possibilities—but possibilities don’t become reality until we decide to move. At some point, we have to stop rehearsing the excuses, stop overthinking the risks, stop polishing the plans… and just start.

Start the habit.
Start the conversation.
Start the healing.
Start the business.
Start the apology.
Start the prayer.
Start the walk.
Start the change.

It doesn’t have to be pretty.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
It just has to begin.

Because that first little step—the one nobody else notices—that’s the one that unlocks the finish line.

So today, whatever dream God has been whispering to your heart… whatever assignment you’ve been delaying… whatever change you know you need to make…

Start.

Your finish depends on it.

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Weeds…

There used to be an infomercial on TV that was made famous by Ron Popeil regarding a little rotisserie oven… He would say, “Set it and forget it!” That is all that would be required. Put the food in, set the timer and it would be perfectly cooked when the timer went off.

Unfortunately, there is little in life that we can expect to come out perfectly without at least some type of maintenance and work. In fact, I would say there is nothing in life that you can truly “set it and forget it!”

We all have multiple aspects of our lives that we try to maintain. Work demands, family needs, relationships, physical responsibilities, spiritual needs as well as the things outside of ourselves, home maintenance, car, finances, and the list goes on and on. Think about all the things, both internal and external that require some aspect of your time and attention. It’s a daunting thought! The question then becomes…how are you doing?

When areas of your life get ignored, expect weeds. Nobody wants a life full of weeds because over time they just get worse and worse. If weeds remain too long, things begin to deteriorate. Weeds don’t go away by themselves. Their removal requires diligence, focus, and effort and we usually get a little dirty during the process. If you’re like me, weeding wears me out. I’m physically sore and exhausted after weeding.

Life is no different. The only way to keep weeds out of your life is to regularly spend the time to remove them in their earliest stages. The effort is minimal, but yet still required. It is relatively painless but still requires diligence, focus, and at least some degree of effort.

Every so often I make a list of everything I am responsible for. Then I ask myself, “How am I doing in that area?” This exercise always results in several areas in my life I have either neglected entirely or need immediate attention. Then I try to keep this list in front of me for a time so I’m aware of areas I need to maintain.

Unfortunately, having a perfectly manicured life is only a temporary state. Weeds can and will return. However, it is worth those brief moments when you can step back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Stay on top of your life. Ron Popeil’s tagline should have been, “Set it and forget it….will make you regret it!”

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People Days vs. Paper Days

In the rhythm of my own life, I’ve learned something about myself that I wish I’d picked up years ago: not every day is built the same. Some days pull me toward people… and others push me straight into the quiet corners of work and responsibility. I call them People Days and Paper Days, and honestly, naming them has helped me breathe a little easier.

People Days are the ones where my calendar is full, my phone seems to ring nonstop, and I’m bouncing between conversations, meetings, and moments that ask for my emotional energy. These are days where I’m “on”—listening, encouraging, answering questions, working through problems, trying to be present for the people who matter to me.

Sometimes these days fill me up. Sometimes they wear me out. But almost always, they remind me why relationships are such a gift. God wired us for connection, and even on the days when I’m running on fumes, there’s something sacred in those interactions.

And then there are Paper Days.

These are the days when, honestly, I’d rather just hole up somewhere with a cup of coffee and work. No small talk. No meetings. Just me and whatever task has been staring at me for far too long. Paper Days give me room to think, to plan, to sort out the mess that lives in my inbox and—if I’m being really honest—the mess that sometimes lives in my head.

I’ve started giving myself permission not to force one kind of day to become the other. If it’s a People Day, I lean into it. If it’s a Paper Day, I don’t feel guilty for turning inward. Both types of days serve a purpose. Both shape me. Both move me forward in different ways.

The real trick is paying attention. Just asking myself, “What kind of day do I have in front of me?” And then letting it be that.

Some days I give. Some days I regroup.
Some days I pour out. Some days I refill.

And maybe that’s the quiet wisdom of it all—recognizing the rhythm instead of fighting it. Because when I stop trying to cram everything into every day, life feels a little more manageable… and a lot more peaceful.

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Noise…

Growing up as a kid, my favorite cartoon was “Rock-a-Bye Bear”…

Quiet…I want Quiet!

These days, it seems like everyone has something to say. Everyone has a belief or opinion. But if everyone is talking, who is listening? Unfortunately, no one.

Everyone has a voice…but how often and when you use it is up to you.

How do you know?

God gave us one mouth, but he also gave us two ears. So that makes it pretty clear to me that the way we were made was to use what we were given in the proper ratio:

1/3 talking, 2/3’s listening

Sound good?

You don’t have to answer…I enjoy the silence!

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Smile…!

Maggie…

As they say, when one door closes, another one opens…and it sure did.

Several weeks after we lost Finn, our 13-year-old poodle, we welcomed into our family Maggie, a 10-year-old Goldendoodle rescue. To say she is a sweetheart is a dramatic understatement, but with all that goodness comes 10 years of baggage that we are seeing glimpses of each day. We were told by her foster parents, that she needed to be “socialized” because she gets really anxious around new people and other animals. We immediately saw that and we have since been adding to that list…cars, trucks, bicycles, noises on TV, and leaves that blow in the wind to name a few… but nonetheless…we love her and all her baggage…God knows we have enough baggage for her as well.

So in an effort to help her cope with those things that have been a negative impact on her previous 10 years of life, we decided to enroll her in a doggy training academy. Each day I take Maggie to doggy daycare where trainers try to help her unlearn some bad behaviors and teach her some new behaviors as well. She’s been great about it all and I can really start to see some progress…but we have a long road ahead.

As part of our enrollment into the academy, they gave us a book to read about dog training, it’s called “Smile!” by Lynne Swanson, DVM. One of the initial chapters of the book really impacted me and I’ll share it below:

“Whether or not anyone is watching, please look up from the book and smile. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, do it anyway. Allow yourself an honest, up-to-your-eyes, laugh-line-creating, smile. I’ll wait.

Did you notice the relaxed breath that followed your smile? Smiles trigger them. Do you notice reduced tension in your shoulders and neck? Perhaps less stiffness in your posture? Smiles help there, too. Smiles are very powerful. If a stranger smiles at you from across the room, you tend to smile back, don’t you? You may even feel in the moment, happier about yourself and a bit more trusting of others.

That is how dogs feel when people offer genuine smiles. Smiles convey a heck of a lot more than words do, and what our facial muscles do to all our other muscles when we smile says volumes about us when we communicate with nonverbal species. As a pretty darn verbal species, we tend to forget that.”

The chapter goes on to say that the author rewards her dogs with only sincere, relaxed smiles. No dog biscuits, no “good dogs” or baby talk…smiles relax dogs and lower their energy level and they are always with you, unlike biscuits or treats.

Since reading this, I’ve made a conscious effort to smile more…way more!

I’m not much of a natural “smile person” and often think of my smile as that look I had the first time I ate broccoli. Not a good look. Regardless, I’ve been smiling and it seems to work! On Maggie and also on ME! I can give Maggie a big smile and immediately I’m in a different state of mind. No longer am I thinking about all the tasks that need to be accomplished that day or who or what had “ticked me off” in some way…but I really think I’m a better version of ME! All by smiling at my dog! Who knew!?

Looks like Maggie isn’t the only one going to school these days…!

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Closed vs. Open-handed living

Years ago, I was getting a massage. There I was lying on my stomach with my arms down to my sides as the masseuse worked on a pinched nerve in my lower back. I remember her saying, “why are your hands closed, you’re supposed to be relaxing?” I didn’t even realize it! Since that time, I’ve often caught myself “relaxing” with closed or clinched hands! This says a lot about what I sometimes struggle with. Let me explain…

Clinch your hand. Look at it… What does that feel like? Closed-handed living is not good…for you or others. When your hands are closed, you’re more tense and tight. Most likely, you’re closed off from others. You’re giving off that “leave me alone vibe.” Closed-handed living leads one to try to control situations…because they fear losing control. The ironic thing is, that they are losing control of the very thing they are trying to protect! Closed-handed living limits generosity, light-heartedness, and ultimately happiness! Closed-handed living makes you fear being exposed, seen, or scrutinized…it makes you live a small life…

On the flipside, open your hand! You don’t have to stretch it out, just soften it and allow it to open. Look at it and feel what that feels like. Feel as if you’re allowing a baby bird to sit in your palm.

Open-handed living allows people to be more relaxed, happy, and comfortable with themselves and their environment. It allows one to be generous, transparent, and have a healthy view of themselves and their life. Open-handed people tend to be humorous “go with the flow” types of people. Open-handed living attracts people. Open-handed living makes you smile a lot and you’re most likely healthier. Open-handed living may make you a bit more vulnerable, but living openly allows you to feel and sense things better than closed-handed living. Good things usually happen to people that live open-handed.

I know that I sometimes struggle between the two. On my own, I would probably be more close-handed than I would like to admit…but I know it’s not good for me and I intentionally work on being more open-handed…but it’s not natural…yet. I would love to live my life naturally more open-handed and I’m going to keep working on it. It’s certainly worth the effort. Who knows… one day I might be lying on my stomach getting a massage and I’ll hear the masseuse commenting, “Wow, you’re really relaxed!” That would be a good day.

It’s certainly something to aspire to!