Falling Forward…

Life…

My Mom sent me this photo out of the blue…

Although I don’t remember it or the circumstances around my mishap, I do notice a couple of things:

  1. No protective gear. No helmet, no elbow guard…nothing to protect me from the abrasive surface of the concrete sidewalk I encountered.
  2. No help. As I lay on the ground after my fall, my loving parents chose to snap a photo rather than to run to my rescue.
  3. No crying. As you can see from my face, the fall was certainly not planned, but it was also completely under my control…I did it…I fell…

So what can I learn from this “ancient” photo of just one of the many random days of a child learning to live in this world…?

I think I first have to acknowledge that we all fall. We all fail. The difference is, some of us fall back and others of us fall forward.

We’ve all met people that fall back. First, they try to hide it. Then they try to place the blame on someone or something else. They are also clearly not at peace about it. Just talking about the incident whether it was yesterday or 30 years ago will unleash a torrent of emotions that surround the incident. Falling back is not healthy.

So what is falling forward?

Falling forward the act of using the incident to get better. It’s being better for having fallen. It’s learning to take the pain and grow from it into a much stronger and healthier you.

Falling forward I believe requires 4 primary steps.

  1. Reflect. We have to stop and think about what happened. We have to be objective about it and see it as a reporter would report the incident if they witnessed it.
  2. Own it. Regardless of what happened, we have to claim our responsibility in the event. We have to clearly see what we did and how it contributed to our fall…as painful as it might be.
  3. Course correct. We have to learn from it. We have to commit to a change in future behavior if we ever find ourselves in a similar situation.
  4. Be kind. We have to be kind to ourselves. We’ve had enough pain, we don’t need to invent more pain to inflict on ourselves. We also have to be kind to others. We can’t retreat or withdraw. Isolation does not make anything better…exposure usually does. Get back out there!

So there you have it…all of that from one random photo.

I have fallen thousands of times since that day. Many have produced significant amounts of pain for me and others…yet I’ve always tried to fall forward. Falling forward has given me a rich and deep life to reflect upon and I wouldn’t trade any of it…regardless of the pain. I’m a better man for it.

Falling is not failing. It’s a part of life…and a good one if you fall forward.

One coin…two sides…

We all want to have the freedom to believe what we want…and to do what we want…but when things don’t work out the way we want…we get upset and usually (especially lately) we look for someone else to blame.

Blame is everywhere! It’s always the first thing people reach for. It’s become our “go-to” action to justify our pain or unhappiness that is a result of actions that we most likely took or failed to take. And the funny thing is…once we have found someone or something to place the blame on…it rarely, if ever removes our pain…and many times…it only enhances it! So why do we do it? Why do we think blame is a viable option for pain relief?

I think it’s because blame is easy. It requires no new action on our part. It requires no discipline. It requires no risk. It’s safe…and it’s ineffective.

You see, I believe Actions and Consequences are two sides of the same coin. You take an action…you get a consequence.

Let’s take a look at the actual word…

“Consequence” = Con + Sequence

We all know that Con means Against. And we all know that a Sequence is a particular order in which related events, movements, or things are expected to follow each other.

So when we put that understanding together…it basically means that a “consequence” is an outcome from an action that is opposite of what is expected! No wonder people don’t want to accept the consequences of their actions!

It’s not was expected! It’s not what we wanted! So we’re not going to accept it! We’re going to blame (or transfer) the consequences of our actions of someone else! But we can’t…because it’s the same coin. Actions and Consequences are permanently bonded together!

Pleasurable undisciplined actions most always result in unpleasurable consequences.

But the flipside is also true…

If you want pleasurable consequences…you need to take unpleasurable disciplined actions!

Life ain’t easy…it was never designed to be…

Two sides…one coin…

…Guest contributor…

Bob has allowed me to write a bit on his blog.

It’s odd that he would make such a choice due to the decline of our relationship over the past few years. Yes, Bob and I go back a very long time. He and I have been together since he was a kid. I was friends with all of his high school friends and especially all of his college friends! We got together just about every weekend during that time. We use to spend every holiday together and as he grew older, we even traveled together. We rarely went a week without seeing each other. I miss Bob…but evidently…he doesn’t miss me…go figure…after all we’ve been through.

That’s ok. I still hang out with lots of Bob’s friends and even some of his family. They love me and so do millions of other people! Heck, I’m on TV all the time, I’m in the movies, I’m in just about every magazine. Yep, I’m pretty popular with just about everyone and its been that way long before I knew Bob.

So if Bob doesn’t want me in his life anymore…tough…I’m just going to involve myself in the lives of all those people around him. He can’t get rid of me that easy! I won’t allow it. I don’t understand why he wants me out of his life…

Maybe it’s because of my reputation…

You see, people that hang out with me…well…frankly speaking…their lives pretty much get worse. I don’t know why (not really)…but they do. I’m always there for those that love me (and even some that don’t). I’m there when people are celebrating and when they are lonely. I’m there when people are pursuing the love of their life and when they have found the love of their life. I’m there when people are worried and even when they drag themselves home after a long day. I’m always making myself available, yet…when things go bad… I’m usually to blame. But get this…even when things got worse…guess who the first person people would call…you got it…me.

Well, I’ll just be patient. I like Bob…even if he hates me. I’ll wait him out…he’ll come back around…they usually do. In the meantime, there are plenty of people that like me and want to hang out with me…regardless of my reputation. I’ll always be around…

Cheers!

Mr. Al C. Hall

The Currency of Words…

When one thinks about a unit of currency, for instance, a dollar bill…the value of the bill does not rest in the printed paper itself, but what it represents to others. The value of that piece of paper is a shared belief and agreement between everyone that comes in contact with it. Simple right?

But is it the same for something else we share with others…our words… Are they worth the same to both parties? Even the words we say to ourselves…do we choose those words with equal care?

I ran across a story a year or so ago about a young man that honored his recently deceased father at the father’s funeral. In giving the eulogy, the son remarked, “My father was an average man. He was no war hero. He never wrote a book. He never ran marathons. He was a pharmacist. No recognition. No fame. But for everything that made my father “average” and “every day,” there was one thing he did exceptionally well. He kept his promises. My father was a man of his word.”

The son later printed out what he referred to as “promise cards” to help remind people of the importance of keeping commitments. This simple act turned into a movement that has changed the lives of people all over the world!

The idea was simple…write on the card what you wanted and then…keep your commitment!

If you say it…you do it!

How different our lives would be if we just did this one thing! Keeping our commitments to ourselves and to everyone else.

Do what you say…

Wouldn’t you value someone that consistently did that? Even if it were you?

Now seems like a perfect time to start…

Happiness…a lagging indicator…

I am so tired of hearing people say, “I just want to be happy!”

Whether they are struggling in a relationship or a difficult job or situation, the plea is always the same…if this one thing would just change, everything would be better and then they would be happy.

So why is it so difficult for some people to be happy?

I believe it’s because they are focusing on happiness (the end result) and not the actions that must precede it to be happy!

Happiness is not a destination. It is the result of consistent actions that you took that resulted in you being happy. No action… equals…no happy. You must take an action.

Happiness is the lingering fragrance of an action that you have taken…and sometimes that fragrance may take some time before you notice it…but take heart…you will…if you continue to take action.

Love the consistent actions you take and happiness will find you…guaranteed.

Where do you go?

I was driving to work early one morning and I had to stop for gas. As I stood there beside my car listening to the sound of gas flowing through the hose and spilling into my empty tank, I thought… isn’t it interesting that I have to drive somewhere to get gas so I can keep going. Then I thought…

Where do I go to get filled up?

Some people I know go to a bar to get filled up by drinking. That glass of wine or beer after a rough day gives them the feeling of being relaxed and trouble free, but also comes with many negative by-products.

Some people go online to get filled by social media. The feeling of getting “likes or hearts” on a post or photo is enough to make them feel seen or appreciated for a while, but it’s only for a moment.

Some people go to the gym. A good sweat and workout make them feel better…and better about how they look. Then they walk out of the gym and blend into the world that looks beyond them.

Some people just work harder and longer hours. It’s like all those hours will someday be recognized and appreciated by someone else. And they are, just not in the way you think…

Some people go out into nature (I do too), and they feel a sense of awe and renewal and peace. But it is more of a “spectator sport” in my opinion. That sense of awe I’m feeling is usually for the creation…not the creator.

The point is…we all “go somewhere” to get filled up. We all have realized that we can only go for so long and so far on our own… and at some point…we run out of gas and need to once again go somewhere to…fill the tank.

But the point is also this…it´s really important to know where to go and what we choose to put in our tank. In fact, it’s critical! Where we go and what we choose to “plug into” to make us feel full, important, relaxed, loved, seen, appreciated, or whatever it is we might need…matters.

It matters because it does more to you than just fill you up…it affects many aspects of your mind, your spirit, and your body. It shapes how you view yourself, how you view others and how you view and interact with the world as a whole. It matters…because you take all of that with you.

For me…I go out on the water by myself in my kayak. It’s where I can talk to God. It’s where I can confess how much I don’t know, don’t understand and can’t control. It’s where I can pour all of myself out…and then a funny thing happens… I begin filling up.

I begin filling up with peace, with certainty, and with joy. It happens each and every time. I pour out…I get filled up.

I go to the water and I plug into God.

Jesus knew this when He said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

I know where my strength comes from…and it doesn’t come from me or anything I can eat, drink or do…I need to empty…so I can be filled. I get filled by a relationship…a relationship that I cherish and has been made possible for anyone that needs it… or wants it.

Clunk…I guess the tank is full!

Bootlace lessons…

I was tying my boots up this morning like I usually do and I noticed that once again, there was one section of the lace that was wearing significantly and was ready to break. This is frustrating to me because they always wear out in one place… on one lace… and then I have to throw them both out.

I would go through a pair of bootlaces about every 3 months. So I got frustrated and specifically went on Amazon and ordered these high-tech boot laces (made of something like Kevlar or something ) and they were supposed to be extremely strong and last much longer than any others…well not so much…

I started thinking…are these laces trying to tell me something?

I’ve got identical laces that are 54″ long. Each lace is threaded through similar holes and is subjected to similar stresses, yet only one spot on one lace has routinely experienced significant wear.

I see this frayed spot on the lace every time I put on my boots. And each time, I silently ask it to hold on…one more day… The funny thing about frayed laces is this. Once you get them laced up…the frayed area of the lace gets hidden! To the outside world…nobody can tell that I’m just a few strands away from a “boot blowout.”

Is this like my life?

Could I have one area in my life that is wearing significantly despite the health of everything else? Are my boot laces trying to alert me to the fact that I need to do some personal assessments to check the relative health of all the different aspects of myself?

I think so. I think it is also true of most of us…we don’t have to dig too deep into our self-analysis to find an area of our lives that need some attention and repair. Left untreated…we all just maybe a few strands away from a blowout…

As my favorite pastor, Andy Stanley says, “Pay attention to the tension.”

Slow Down…Minimum Wake!

This morning as I kayaked out into Tampa Bay, I saw this sign for the first time. I’m sure I’ve seen the sign in the past…but it wasn’t until today that it took on a new meaning.

We are now in the heart of the holiday season and our culture is under siege by marketing companies trying to make us feel a certain way and act a certain way…and it usually ends with us parting with our hard earned money in exchange for the false promises these companies tease us with.

The funny thing is…we all know better…

We all know what works for us and what fills our hearts rather than emptying our pockets…we know this…

So, my hope and prayer is that for this holiday season, we will all try to slow down. Let’s try to be intentional about not only what we do…but why we are doing it.

Here’s an idea… take each of the following suggestions and do only one a day…then at the end of the day, ask yourself how that made you feel. Give it a try and add to the list as well!

  1. For one day, use your phone only to only talk on it!
  2. Look strangers in the eye and smile at them.
  3. Watch the sunrise and say “thank you.”
  4. Handwrite a note and mail it.
  5. Take something to Goodwill.
  6. Round up all your loose change and drop it in a Salvation Army bucket.
  7. One of my favorites…go to the mall at night and just walk around and enjoy the lights.
  8. Buy a couple of gift cards and put each in an envelope with a note of encouragement and just randomly pass them out to strangers that you’re drawn to.
  9. Turn off the TV at home and just play your favorite Christmas music.
  10. Allow other people to “go ahead of you.”
  11. Sit down quietly and write down all the things you are grateful for…also include all the people you are grateful for.

We all have so much in this culture, yet we often feel so lacking… Maybe all we need to “do” is to slow down and enjoy what we have always had…the time… to truly appreciate it all…

Blessings to all of you!

Hurricane Lessons…

Living in Florida requires me to learn about hurricanes. As many of us know, a hurricane in the Northern Hemisphere rotates in a counterclockwise direction. Also, if one was to look down on the hurricane from above, the area of the hurricane (traveling North) that can potentially do the most damage is the Northeastern quadrant. Here the winds are at their highest and most destructive as we all saw with Hurricane Irma.

Now let’s change gears a bit and look at our life. My Guatemalan friend, Oscar Garcia shared with me his view of life in a simple diagram and I have taken his idea and added to it.

Here ya go:

Our lives are divided up into four main quadrants. And let’s say for example that we believe we will live to be 100 years old. So, the first quadrant encompasses years 0 to 25 years of age. The second quadrant is from 25 to 50 years of age. The third quadrant is from 50 to 75 years of age and the fourth quadrant is from 75 to 100 years of age.

Each quadrant is characterized by a primary focus that people in that quadrant are striving to achieve. For instance, those people in quadrant one (age 0 to 25) are focused primarily on Learning. From learning to walk, years spent in school pursuing a degree and also learning about life and the skills needed for living. That is the focus of Quadrant one.

Quadrant two people (25 to 50) are primarily focused on Earning. People in this age quadrant have completed the majority of their schooling and are putting that knowledge to use in the workplace making money. This is the group that also begins to use their earnings to buy stuff like homes, cars as well as investing and saving. Earning money is the primary focus of people in this group.

I’ll come back to Quadrant three…

Quadrant four people (75 to 100) are Returning. They have lived a full life (good and bad) and are focused on returning their knowledge, their time, their assets to those they love and causes they care about. They value giving back and giving of themselves. These and the people of Quadrant four.

Now for the Quadrant three people. These people, (50 – 75 assuming the person lives to be 100) are potentially the most damaging…to themselves and potentially to others. The primary focus of people in this group is Yearning. They are in a season of reflection. They are looking at their lives with “new eyes” and beginning to deal with new challenges that many resist. They are beginning to experience the aches and pains of their aging bodies. They are beginning to suffer relationally as couples experience the “empty nest syndrome.” They are beginning to experience a workplace where they are no longer relevant and valuable. They are beginning to reap the rewards of good financial management or suffer the pains and anxiety of bad financial decisions from earlier years. The view ahead is sometimes overshadowed by a longing to go back and change the decisions they made years before. This is the primary focus of people in Quadrant three, the yearning to go back and have a “do over.” This is why this period has the potential to be so damaging.

So what is one to do?

First, is to realize that all people must go through all four quadrants. Don’t get hung up on the age ranges, they will change, but instead, try to understand and embrace the quadrant that you are in and try to make the most of it.

So if you are in Quadrant one. My advice to you is to learn! Learn everything you can learn about utilizing all of your skills and talents. Don’t waste these years! Go as far as you can go scholastically and immerse yourself in learning. Begin to explore ways people will pay for the knowledge and skills you naturally possess. Don’t worry about making mistakes! Make many of them now and learn from all of them!

Quadrant two people need to have a plan. Make sure your plan involves discipline. You are in your prime earning years and without discipline, our culture will rob you of your future and your finances by appealing to your short term desires! Find ways of investing your earnings. Millionaires are made by investments, not by savings!

Quadrant three people need to focus. They can’t change their past…but they still have time to impact their future. They need to accept where they might be in life and focus on what their next step needs to be. They need to make “smart choices” in all areas of life. They need to invest in things that will provide for them long term. That can range from investments to relationships and the community involvement. Take off the mask and let other’s see the real you.

Quadrant four people need to share. Share time. Share knowledge. Spend time with those you love. Share yourself and make it a point not to leave any question unanswered or conversation un-had. Ask good questions of those you love. Have meaningful conversations. Make it a point to make each moment of every day count.

You see, I’m currently living in Quadrant three. It’s tough. It seems like every day I’m trying to play catch up…or trying to keep up! But I’m determined not to give up. Tough is fine for now…giving up or giving in is not an option. Quadrant three “can be destructive.” It’s where the strongest winds are. These winds can do damage if you get in their way and are not prepared, or they can propel you forward…if you are correctly positioned and prepared.

Yep, hurricanes have taught me a lot recently. I certainly respect them and am aware of the damage they can do. But if you have a plan and take action at the appropriate time, chances are you’ll come out just fine…even if you’re on the Northeastern quadrant.

Cross Currents…

Each morning at dawn you’ll find me in my kayak on Tampa Bay. For me, it has become part exercise…part church. It’s a place where I can silence my mind and just listen to the rhythmic sound of my paddles quietly entering the water with each stroke. Beginning each day on the water brings with it new surprises. Some days the water is like glass…perfectly quiet and smooth. Some days the winds create a slight chop in the water which makes paddling a bit more challenging. Also, as I navigate out of my neighborhood and into the open bay, I am sometimes met with different water conditions based on the intensity and direction of the wind. Like life, changing conditions are around every corner.

What I’ve also come to learn from my early morning kayaking is how deceptive a cross-current is. It’s one of those currents that approach my kayak not straight on or from behind…but at an angle. Those are difficult because when I look at the chopping waves of the cross current approaching my kayak, I can get disoriented from the direction I am trying to paddle and my kayak ends up moving in the direction the current is moving…rather than remaining true to my intended heading. It literally makes me dizzy if I look at it!

So, what I’ve learned to do is to ignore the current entirely… and instead, pick a single point on the shoreline to paddle towards. Single point of focus. This way I can maintain my heading…

Hmmm…that sounds like good life advice as well!

All too often, we find ourselves going through life and without thinking about it, we find a “cultural cross current” acting on us. Unlike the currents that hit you head on (which we can all deal with)…or power you from behind (which we all love), these currents are deceptive. They are sneaky and are constantly trying to divert you from your intended heading.

So what if you don’t have a heading?

That is a problem… Without a single point of focus off in the distance to move toward, you’ll most likely soon find yourself way off course! Why? Because that’s what the “cultural cross current” wants. It wants to take you off course…even it has no real place to take you to…it just wants to interrupt your heading.

I have seen this play out in real life all too often. Many people I know have been taken off course by a variety of “cultural cross-currents” pulling them away from their path. They are so common to us, we barely recognize them, so let me list a few just so you know where to spot them:

  • Most TV shows
  • TV Commercials of all types
  • Music
  • Movies
  • The News
  • Drugs and Alcohol
  • Some friends…and even some family
  • Social Media and cell phones in general.

Currents are a fact of life and when you’re on the water…currents are a part of the environment. We can’t fight them…but we also can’t (and shouldn’t) ignore them and their potential impact and influence on our heading.

Pick a spot out on your horizon…and row steadily towards it…and most likely…you’ll be fine.