Category: Reflection

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False Hope…

Kitchen and sleeping room

Let me first go on record and say…I’m guilty…

I have learned many things since I’ve been here in Guatemala, both good and bad. Unfortunately, what is on my heart right now is not so good…but I have to somehow write about it so I can sort it out…

I believe the central motivating factor of my being here is to somehow…and in some way try to bring hope to these wonderful people. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to experience new things previously unimagined. Hope that they will find a relationship with their Heavenly Father that knows them and loves them. I think about this every day and I try to exude the hope that sustains me… so maybe it might light the path for others.

But as simple as this may sound, the flame of hope can easily be snuffed out…very easily…as I have been guilty of… and as I have personally witnessed. Most of the time it comes in the form of something unintended and seemingly minor in nature…but it has devastating effects…an unkept promise by a visiting Westerner.

We routinely bring down people for short-term mission trips and we allow them to see the harsh reality that many of the people are living in…corrugated homes, dirt floors, smoke-filled indoor cooking areas, and more. Visitors from the West are very compassionate people and after seeing this over and over again, their hearts begin to break. They begin to seek answers to alleviate the problems they see…at least to some degree. This is good…we WANT people to understand how the majority of the world is living…but what also happens is what we don’t want…

A promise is made…

They may not see this as a promise or commitment, but those that are living in and with these conditions certainly do and they make note of it.

After several more days here, the visitor from the West will go home. They will get back into their routine of work, paying bills, and continuing their life. They will usually reflect on what they saw when they were here and how they felt…but as time goes on…these thoughts begin to fade and the promises they made are usually the first to go…but not here…not by those that heard it…they remember.

Then, as time goes on, the promises never materialize. What they heard was not true. What they hoped to believe…will never be…

This is what happens over and over again. This is the unintentional consequence of someone with a broken heart, creating false hope in others and the effects are devastating.

The Bible (Matthew 5:37) reminds us to let our “yes” mean yes and our “no” mean no. In essence, Matthew reminds us to say less and do more…but also do what we say.

I think many of us in the West have watered down the importance of doing what we say. Promises don’t really mean anything, commitments are broken, words are just words with no consequences. But even as I write these words…I know that this line of thinking is anything but true. Promises DO matter. Commitments ARE commitments. Words DO have consequences. They can build people up…or regretfully, tear people down.

Why don’t we simply do what we say? I think this one change in each of us would be one of the most significant changes we could make…for ourselves and all those around us. This is my prayer for each of us…that we would simply do what we say we are going to.

I know I’ve written about this site before, but it is so powerful I wanted to mention it again. It is called simply…” because I said I would…” You can learn about it here: http://becauseisaidiwould.com.

I still have hope. I still believe that regardless of what happens to people, with people or…because of people…we can still ignite the flame of hope in people and I will devote the rest of my life to doing just that…because without it…the world is a very, very dark place.

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Takeaways from my first month in Guatemala…

I don’t think I have ever had a more valuable month where I learned so much! I began the foundation of learning a new language, I learned about a new culture, I learned about myself and I learned about God and how He wants me to live in this life…all in a month!

I’ve already written about learning Spanish, but what I think my biggest takeaway from this month is my view on life. I have always been the “king of the to-do list.” I have regularly made lists for goals, lists for things to do, things to buy, things to learn, things to experience…and my “list” goes on and on…but I’ve learned something new. But ever since I’ve gotten here, my good friend Oscar has repeatedly told me two things…

  1. “Tranquilo” – which means… relax…which I’m getting better at…and…
  2. “Adjust the load…on the road.” This means….just get going….and adjust it if you need to…but get moving!

So during the past month, I have not written a list of any sort…and yet it has been the most productive month ever! Last weekend I took a trip to a beautiful lake about 3 hours away. The trip included a shuttle from my house to the lake, a boat tour of the lake visiting 3 lakeside villages, a hotel room, a shuttle to another town 2 hours away the following morning, and a shuttle back to Antigua…all for $50!

The thing I found fascinating was that all the travel company needed from me was my name and my money. There was a lot of coordination and many unknowns that I “could” have concerned myself with…but my attitude was simple…if something came up…I would deal with it then. But nothing did. It was a wonderful weekend and having this attitude opened me up to truly experiencing all of the beauty that I believe God wants me to experience.

In retrospect, I believe this is how God wants us to experience every day. It’s simple…but it took me a month of doing it to appreciate it.

Tranquilo and Adjust the load on the road…a great way to live.

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Seen and Unseen…

There are many things in this life that we can see…yet there are also things in this life that are unseen. However, that does not mean that they do not exist! For instance, we cannot see the wind, yet we can clearly see the affects of the wind during a storm.

The reason I bring this up is to remind me that for all the good that I am seeking in my work…I must be also reminded that there is just as much darkness that must be acknowledged. I need not be afraid…but I cannot ignore it either.

This became evident to me on recent trips to San Jose Pinula. On several occasions I have now seen what has become a “staple” in the town…and a very sad one at that. Oscar calls him “naked man” and rightly so. This man walks through the streets and among businesses totally naked. He is filthy dirty and constantly beats himself in the head. I am reminded of the story of Legion in Mark 5. A similar demon possessed man that Jesus casts his demons into a group of nearby pigs and they immediately drowned themselves in the lake. This man is much like that man…definitely demon possessed. Yet, he continues to roam the streets and people just get out of his way.

I have no idea why nobody does anything with him, but knowing my luck…one day I will come face to face with the man. I’m not looking forward to it…but I have a feeling it will happen. When it does, I am going to pray for him and demand the demon to come out of him. The Bible says we have the power to do so…and I believe what Jesus said…so stay tuned…

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So much for “self help”…

 Have you walked through the “self-help” section of Barnes & Noble lately? The shelves are overflowing with books that promise to cure, fix, eliminate and teach you just about anything that will bring you happiness, wisdom, riches, power, and anything else one could imagine.

So I was wondering…does “self-help” really work?

I’ve read many of these books and still do. Some are good but others only make me question and doubt myself even more. I sometimes end up feeling worse off than I did before I picked up the book.

A couple of months ago, I was helping my Mom do some home maintenance. She needed an overhead light installed above the sink in the kitchen. The box the fixture came in promised an easy installation and that I had everything I needed to do the job.

So I climbed up on the sink and began the process of measuring, drilling, pulling wires, and doing everything the directions required to ensure a successful installation.

Then I realized the problem…

I soon got to a point in the installation when I was trying to hold the light fixture in the correct position so that it is aligned with the pre-drilled holes and at the same time hold the screw, reach for the screwdriver that was down at my feet and to keep the wires hidden within the light fixture… I quickly realized…I either needed more hands or more help.

I think “self-help” is much like the box the light fixture came in. It made the promise of an “easy” installation and “no tools were necessary”. That may have been “possible” but it was certainly not to be easy.

What I really needed was some help. Someone to hold the light while I drilled or placed the screws into the fixture that would provide the required support. Having someone to help me would have made it a really easy installation. It probably would have even been enjoyable!

I think life is like that. I think we all need an extra pair of hands to assist us as we move through this life. Sometimes holding things…sometimes holding us.

So much for “self-help”.

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Margin

 Did you know 40% of any book is “white space” or margin?

You might think what a waste of space! But try reading a book without that white space, and you will begin to feel the heaviness of black ink as it creeps into your mind and begins to slow down your reading and comprehension. Our lives are much the same way.

Our souls crave white space. Downtime for our senses, just as the margin allows our eyes to rest on every page.

Our lives are filled with noise and clutter. We tend to both create and wear the badges of honor that cause us to believe that “more is better”. How much CAN I get done? How long is my “to-do list”. Go, go, go, do, do, do. How far will we push out the margins of our lives? Until the words run off the page and the letters fall into oblivion? Blackberries, emails, Twitter, Facebook, texting, and the “old school” phone calls. When is enough…enough?

  • When can I sit and be quiet?

  • When can I be alone with…myself?

  • What would I think about? What would I DO?

If you can’t answer these questions. Then these thoughts have been written for you. I beg you to give yourself the “gift” of doing nothing. Schedule it if you have to! But find the time in your week to simply…do….nothing.

Go sit in a park. Go to the woods. Get outside so the breeze can touch you once again…and you actually take notice. Listen to the sounds of the world. Listen to the sounds of “your head”. Allow them all to have a place.

Welcome back…to yourself…margin is a beautiful thing.

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Mothballs…

 I recently took my favorite wool navy blue suit out of the closet. I was going to have it cleaned so I could wear it to a special function I have coming up in the next couple of weeks. It had been hanging unused in my closet for the past two years. It was my favorite YSL suit and I looked good in it!

As I was getting it ready to go to the dry cleaners, I noticed a small white spot on one of the shoulders. Upon closer inspection, I noticed more and more white spots in various locations all over my prized suit. It didn’t take me long to realize that my favorite suit had been eaten by moths! Ruined, because I hadn’t worn it so long. I was heartbroken.

Then I started thinking…

I wonder if God feels the same way with us?

God has gifted each of us in a unique and special way! We each have talents that we love to do and we do them naturally and we do them well. I’ll bet that each of us has a talent that other people have commented on in the past. I’ll bet each of us has heard someone comment, “Wow, I love the way you….” and we usually dismiss the comment as ” they are just being nice” and we move on. For a wide variety of reasons, we fail to spend the time to develop these gifts and we spend all our time chasing the dreams of others.

John Ortberg writes about how each of us approaches the use or non-use of the gifts we receive in his book, Before you can walk on water, you need to get out of the boat. He writes.

“Anytime a gift is given, the recipient must choose to respond in one of two ways. The first way says, “This gift is so valuable it can’t be risked.” They realize that when they bring their gift out of the box and into the open, things may not go well. The gift may be poorly used. Others may not always admire it the way we want. It may even get broken. Taking the gift out of the box is always a risk.

The second way says, “This gift is so valuable it must be risked.” They understand that if the gift is not brought out of the box, it will never be used at all. To leave the gift in the box is to thwart the desire of the giver. There is no tragedy like the tragedy of the unopened gift.

Along with the gift you have been given a choice – whether or not you will open and use it or not.”

So let me ask all of us…where are your gifts?

Do you know what they are?

Are you using them in every aspect of your life?

I believe that at the end of our life, we will come face to face with God. At that meeting, he will ask us two questions.

One of those questions will be: “What did you do with the gifts that I gave you?”

Think about that… I hope you don’t say…” the moths ate them.”

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The Value of Belief…

 Many Psychologists remind us that our beliefs influence our feelings, which govern our actions that lead to our results. Or to put it simply…what you believe…you become.

So, have you ever wondered what you believe?

Here are some of the things I believe:

  1. All people are good…if you give them a chance.

  2. God wants to express Himself through us…not only to us.

  3. In “happily ever after.”

  4. Men should always open doors and walk between a lady and traffic.

  5. I don’t have all the answers.

  6. We create our destiny.

  7. If you keep your focus on God, the rest will take care of itself.

  8. We don’t ask children good questions and therefore we don’t learn from them.

  9. In good manners.

  10. The Bible is the inspired word of God.

  11. In friends and family.

  12. If you want something in your life…give it first!

  13. We take ourselves WAY too seriously!

  14. That peace of mind is the most overlooked emotion.

  15. Everything will work out.

I’m sure there are more things I could list, but you get the picture. My point in writing this list is that it makes me feel good. It makes sense to me. I believe it and it makes me feel like I’m on the right track as I try to navigate through my life. It may not apply to everyone…but it works for me.

I know other people whose lives always seemed to be filled with some type of drama or problem. They seem to be moving from one crisis to another and seem to enjoy involving as many people as they can in the perceived downward spiral of their life. They complain of always being stressed out, underappreciated or singled out for some reason.

So I wonder…what do they believe? Where is their focus? Where do they put their trust?

I know this is overly simplistic. But I think if we really look at our lives and commit ourselves to move away from things that cause our lives to be filled with turmoil and in turn begin to move towards thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs that give us a sense of peace…I’ll bet our circumstances would change.

My hope for all that read this is that you would make a list of what you believe. Then ask yourself…if having that belief makes you feel better or worse about your life. If the answer is better, great! If the answer is worse, then take it off your list and only focus on the good. Because what you believe…you become and believe me…in time you’ll be adding more good things to your list!

So I hope you actually do the list. It’s eye-opening!

If you feel like sharing, I would love to see it! Enjoy the process!

Peace! (seriously…!)

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Cell phones and divorce

 Next time you are out in your car, begin to notice how many people are either talking on the cell phone or texting. It’s amazing!

While sitting at a red light recently, I counted ten cars that passed me and seven of those people were on the phone. So I began to wonder…what the heck is everyone talking about?

I also began to wonder if 70 percent of the people that I randomly viewed at an intersection were gabbing away on the phone, then it stands to reason that our generation is technically “communicating more”. Therefore, we should be able to see a direct correlation in the fact that if we are communicating more we should see a reduction in statistics that weigh heavily in areas where communication plays a significant role in the breakdown of a relational system like a marriage.

Well, drum roll, please… In the early 1980s two significant seemingly “unrelated things” happened:

A. First, in the early 1980s the first fully automatic cellular networks were introduced to the American consumer market.

B. Also in the early 1980s, the divorce rate for the US peaked at its highest mark ever at 5.3 per 1000.

Since then two things have happened.

1. Each year the cellular phone usage has continued to steadily rise to a point wherein 2009, 66% of the people in the United States have a cell phone. This is the highest level ever.

2. Each year since the introduction of the cell phone, the divorce rate in the United States has continued to decline. In 2009, 3.6 marriages per 1000 end in divorce; the lowest divorce rate in 37 years.

So what does that tell me? Well, for one thing, we all know where we are and where we’re supposed to be! That’s a good thing. Secondly, we’re always available. Whether we choose to “pick up or not” when the phone rings…we know it…and so does the person on the other end.

Finally, it just proves the fact that the more we communicate, the better off we are.

So here’s to the cell phone! May it strengthen the bonds of eternal matrimony! I just wish those bonds weren’t being strengthened when driving in front of me on the highway.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, “just get off the phone and drive!”

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A Tribute to Bob Lucas

I just finished reading a book by Andy Andrews called The Noticer. I believe it is based on a true story about the early years of Andy’s life. You see, Andy lost both his parents at an early age. As time went on and through a number of bad decisions, he soon found himself homeless and living under a pier in the seaside town of Orange Beach, Alabama.

Andy, being caught up in his own life and full of self-pity wondered to himself if life were just on a big lottery ticket. He wondered if some people just got all the breaks and others, well…just didn’t.

Then one day a man named Jones appeared under the pier. Jones calls himself a Noticer. Jones shared with Andy that in times of trouble in our lives, we are looking for answers. Sometimes the answers are simply not available. Therefore, what we need to do is to change our perspective. A change in perspective allows us to see things differently. In doing this, we notice things that we had previously overlooked, and many times in that new view…we find our answers.

I recently lost my stepfather, Bob Lucas to melanoma. So, like many of my family, I’m hurting. I’m wondering how I am going to fill that big gap in my life Bob used to occupy. I’m worried about how my Mom is going to get along. I’m looking for answers that will lead me away from this hurt…and I can’t seem to find any.

So I thought I might try to do what Jones shared with Andy…to try to change my perspective. I thought I might step back a moment and look at the situation in a different way.

So I wondered, “What if God gave us a gift in Bob Lucas?”

I looked at all the different aspects of Bob’s life from this new perspective and this is what I realized…

Connection – At Bob’s memorial service and standing in front of a church full of family and friends, I witnessed the result of the connections Bob had made in his life. By doing something very simple, yet profound, Bob found a way of connecting each of us to not only him but to each other. The only reason we were all gathered there at that moment was due to a very personal connection that was made at some point in time between Bob and each individual in that church. He had impacted each of us in a unique and personal way.

Father – Bob gave the world three amazing children that have each grown to affect the lives of countless others by mirroring the aspects he exhibited as a father.

Husband – Bob loved my Mom. We all got to share in that love. Every morning of their 33 years together began the same way. With Bob asking my Mom over breakfast, “what can I do for you today”? Many times this request was made after Bob had gone out in the backyard and picked a new blossom from one of the many hibiscus trees that he tended.

Son in Law – Bob loved my Mom’s parents. Nana and Big Jim were lovingly woven into Bob’s character and heart. I don’t ever remember a day that Bob didn’t share a story or quote from my grandparents that were relevant to a situation we were currently experiencing. As I was going through all of our family photos from over the years, it reminded me of all the times that Bob was there for them. He and Mom would make countless trips to Naples, FL, and to Radford, VA to help, visit and celebrate the lives of my grandparents.

Man – Bob was a man’s man. He worked hard. He retired from the telephone company in Radford, VA. He was a diehard Virginia Tech Hokie fan. He was an avid golfer and loved good competition.

Lover of Animals – Boom, Cali, Sallie were all pets that Bob gave his love to. There is a quote I read somewhere that stated that there is a part of every person’s soul that can only be unlocked by loving an animal. Bob loved all animals and it pained him tremendously when anyone would harm a little one.

Lover of Nature – Springtime, birds, squirrels, hawks, and rabbits were all friends of Bob. He loved to care for all the creatures in his backyard. He fed them each day and knew the daily habits of each one and loved to share their stories.

Lover of God – Bob did not overtly express his religious views. However, he had a deep love for God. He showed this love by actively loving and tending to God’s creations and gifts. He was also a fan of Dr. Charles Stanley and would slip off into his room to quietly watch his program each Sunday morning.

So, looking at Bob’s life from the perspective of a gift that God gave us actually allows me to see things differently.

Through Bob, my family and our friends were able to experience directly, how to live our lives. Bob was a role model of a Father, Husband, Friend, and Man. I got to see it and experience it first hand. What a gift!

While each of us is burdened with questions of what we will become in life, what are we doing with our lives, what will leave behind in our lives, and what our legacy should be in life. Maybe we need to thank God for allowing us to get to know His gift to us in Bob Lucas. For through his life and his way of living…he has shown us the way to live our lives.

Bob’s life was a gift. I thank God for that. I have been given a personal example of how I should live my life. A life of service to others. A life of loving and giving of self. A life of loving all that God has created. Thank you, God.

There is no doubt that when God received Bob back into His care, Bob heard the words that all of us long to hear at the end of our lives…

Well done…good and faithful servant. What a gift!

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Colors…

 I recently celebrated a significant day in my life…my 50th birthday. Now many people celebrate this day surrounded by friends and families all bearing “over the hill” cards and gag gifts, black balloons, and streamers. It has become the realization that one has reached the pinnacle of your life’s achievement and now begins the slow descent into retirement.

Like I said, on this day of celebration, I chose to mark it as a day of decision. It was to become a day beginning, a fork in the road that I had been standing and contemplating for far too long.

You see, I look at each of us like a box of crayons. God gave us each multiple colors that we are to utilize to color our worlds with our lives. Some people are blessed with the 8 pack, some with the 16 pack, and some people got the 64 pack with the built-in sharpener in the box. But each of us has been gifted by God with unique skills, talents, abilities, and desires that have been placed within our hearts. It is by unlocking and utilizing these gifts that our world is uniquely colored.

You see, for more than half of my life, I’ve been using one maybe two of my colors. My choice of study in college was made haphazardly and through sheer will and determination, I managed to graduate with a degree in the field of my choice. Then I followed it up with 30 years of varying degrees of the same type of work. While I managed to be promoted through the ranks, the view from the top of my ladder was nothing like I expected or actually wanted. I had achieved, but I was not fulfilled. I had created a career by default…not by design.

So again, on this special day…I have climbed down the ladder. I am picking up all of my colors. Ironically, many still have the sharpened tips that remind me not that I have failed to use them…but excite me because of the untapped potential that they are now making themselves available to me. I also am reminded of the one or two colors that are mere knubs. They have been worn down and overused. The paper barely remains on one of the knubs. I respect them for their gifts of bringing me to this moment in my life and providing for me a small nest egg to which I may begin…again.

So yes, my 50th birthday was just that. A celebration of a “new birth”. A new day that will allow me finally begin to use many if not all of my colors. I’m excited about the painting that my life will bring to this world and at this point, I don’t know exactly what that will look like…but I can promise one thing…it’s going to be colorful!