Category: Reflection

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Roots…

We have banana trees in our backyard. I love them. My wife hates them. I love them because they have huge leaves and look so tropical. My wife views them as a weed. She is bound and determined to rid our backyard of them. She routinely will go out with clippers in hand and cut them completely down. The first time she did, I got upset and stewed about it for days. Then before I knew it, I saw a small green stalk emerging from the stump that was left behind. I smiled, knowing that soon…I would have a banana tree again…and sure enough I did.

This scenario has been played out several times over the years. Each time, the banana trees coming back…healthier and more plentiful. And each time, I smile. I love my banana trees.

What I’ve learned about banana trees is that their root system is extensive. It extends over a huge area and although it can’t be seen, it is constantly at work supplying the stumps with everything they need to make a full recovery regardless of the attacks from insects, animals or wives with garden tools. The roots win…every time.

Why do I think about roots and banana trees?

Because much the same way,…I love my “roots.” I love my Southern heritage. I love the history of my family as I have researched it over the years. I love traditions. I love our Country. I love the flag. I love standing for the National Anthem and I love saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I love my faith and my church. I love being an American.

Granted, looking back at history…it may not have been pretty or perfect…but neither am I. It was what is was and whatever that was, it helped to make me…me. Roots aren’t pretty…but they aren’t supposed to be either. They have a job to do. That job is to supply stability and life sustaining nutrients to everything that they are connected to. I’ll say it again…I love my roots.

I know the culture of today may not look kindly upon the roots that made America…America. They weren’t perfect or pretty…but again…they weren’t supposed to be…they were meant to supply life to an idea that a Country that was rooted in the Word of God could thrive.

So go ahead and tear down the statues, change the names of our holidays, change the history books and anything else that offends you…but remember…just like the banana tree…the roots win!

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Noise…

Growing up as a kid, my favorite cartoon was “Rock-a-Bye Bear”…

Quiet…I want Quiet!

These days, it seems like everyone has something to say. Everyone has a belief or opinion. But if everyone is talking, who is listening? Unfortunately, no one.

Everyone has a voice…but how often and when you use it is up to you.

How do you know?

God gave us one mouth, but he also gave us two ears. So that makes it pretty clear to me that the way we were made was to use what we were given in the proper ratio:

1/3 talking, 2/3’s listening

Sound good?

You don’t have to answer…I enjoy the silence!

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Heel…

One of my favorite new pastimes is walking our dog, Maggie. I get my exercise, she gets her exercise and we are both so much better for it. But we don’t just hook up the leash and go for it…as we have both learned from our obedience school lessons…there is a correct way to walk… and an incorrect way to walk.

The correct way to walk (to heel) keeps Maggie on a loose leash on my left side. She walks even with me and sometimes slightly behind. In this position, I am the leader and I can turn left or right or take an abrupt about-face and she can move with me with ease because she is close to me and can easily see me. Her being in this position is not restrictive to her either because I can also easily keep an eye on her and when she needs to sniff or “take a break” I can simply slow down or stop. I lead, she follows and we both enjoy our walk.

Conversely, the incorrect way for her to walk is ahead of me. As she moves ahead of me, she loses sight of me. Losing sight of me means that she becomes the leader and the decision maker and as I have learned about dogs…they don’t like to make decisions, they need a leader…it stresses them out if they feel they have to lead. So now we have a stressed-out Maggie out in front of me and “pulling” on the leash. (If dogs feel tension on the leash, they naturally feel the need to pull against it…I learned that in “doggie school” too.) So she’s stressed out and pulling against me and now when I want to turn left or right or around, the only way to do so makes me pull on her leash…which creates more stress…in her and in me. The walk becomes a struggle. The enjoyment is gone.

Despite the pulling, the stress, and the anxiety…she always feels the need to initially take the lead and to get out in front of me on our walks. So each time, I have to spend the first few minutes of our walk (and sometimes more…) “reminding her” to heel…and here’s how I do it…

When she takes off and begins to walk ahead, I can tell that she is no longer keeping tabs on me. She is lost in the new smells, the sights, and the countless other things competing for her attention. Once I see that she is no longer aware of my presence…I’ll simply stop walking abruptly and hold tight to the leash. The result is she quickly gets to the end of the leash and she suffers the shock of an immediate “correction”. Meaning…she gets the heck jerked out of herself.

The extent of the jerk is never my doing…it’s always based on the speed and momentum of her moving away from me. The quicker she leaves me…the stronger the impact of the jerk will be when she reaches the end of the leash.

Sometimes I’ll have to start and stop walking several times in a row and each time she’ll jerk, stop and look at me and then when we start walking again…she’ll take off and I’ll stop and she’ll jerk and we do it several times and then she finally catches on. She’ll take off and I’ll stop and she’ll take another step and realize I’ve stopped and then she’ll stop and look back at me until I start walking again. This is our “dance” over who will be the leader of the walk. We do it every night.

The best nights are when we both slowly walk out the front door and slowly turn down onto the sidewalk. One stop and she’s reminded and then she returns to my side (or slightly behind) and off we go. Loose leash, no anxiety, both of us enjoying the walk and each other’s company…

So why go into so much detail about walking a dog…?

Well, I think sometimes God must feel the same way about us. He knows where we should be in relation to Him. He knows that when we keep Him in our sights, our lives are better and we are happier and safer. In essence, he wants us to “heel”.

Yet, we don’t. Like Maggie, each day we take off with our own ideas, agendas, thoughts, beliefs, and needs and it’s not too long before we suffer for it. God simply stops walking and we get jerked by our own doings.

I’ve learned a lot about myself from Maggie. We are more alike than I care to admit. I love that dog with all of my heart and it breaks my heart to see her “corrected” each time we walk. But I just have to love her enough to let her experience the “correction” that she has created by leaving me.

So when I’m feeling stressed, anxious, or frustrated about something, I now think about Maggie and our walks and I ask myself…

“Am I heeling?”

Well, we both know the answer to that…

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Smile…!

Maggie…

As they say, when one door closes, another one opens…and it sure did.

Several weeks after we lost Finn, our 13-year-old poodle, we welcomed into our family Maggie, a 10-year-old Goldendoodle rescue. To say she is a sweetheart is a dramatic understatement, but with all that goodness comes 10 years of baggage that we are seeing glimpses of each day. We were told by her foster parents, that she needed to be “socialized” because she gets really anxious around new people and other animals. We immediately saw that and we have since been adding to that list…cars, trucks, bicycles, noises on TV, and leaves that blow in the wind to name a few… but nonetheless…we love her and all her baggage…God knows we have enough baggage for her as well.

So in an effort to help her cope with those things that have been a negative impact on her previous 10 years of life, we decided to enroll her in a doggy training academy. Each day I take Maggie to doggy daycare where trainers try to help her unlearn some bad behaviors and teach her some new behaviors as well. She’s been great about it all and I can really start to see some progress…but we have a long road ahead.

As part of our enrollment into the academy, they gave us a book to read about dog training, it’s called “Smile!” by Lynne Swanson, DVM. One of the initial chapters of the book really impacted me and I’ll share it below:

“Whether or not anyone is watching, please look up from the book and smile. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, do it anyway. Allow yourself an honest, up-to-your-eyes, laugh-line-creating, smile. I’ll wait.

Did you notice the relaxed breath that followed your smile? Smiles trigger them. Do you notice reduced tension in your shoulders and neck? Perhaps less stiffness in your posture? Smiles help there, too. Smiles are very powerful. If a stranger smiles at you from across the room, you tend to smile back, don’t you? You may even feel in the moment, happier about yourself and a bit more trusting of others.

That is how dogs feel when people offer genuine smiles. Smiles convey a heck of a lot more than words do, and what our facial muscles do to all our other muscles when we smile says volumes about us when we communicate with nonverbal species. As a pretty darn verbal species, we tend to forget that.”

The chapter goes on to say that the author rewards her dogs with only sincere, relaxed smiles. No dog biscuits, no “good dogs” or baby talk…smiles relax dogs and lower their energy level and they are always with you, unlike biscuits or treats.

Since reading this, I’ve made a conscious effort to smile more…way more!

I’m not much of a natural “smile person” and often think of my smile as that look I had the first time I ate broccoli. Not a good look. Regardless, I’ve been smiling and it seems to work! On Maggie and also on ME! I can give Maggie a big smile and immediately I’m in a different state of mind. No longer am I thinking about all the tasks that need to be accomplished that day or who or what had “ticked me off” in some way…but I really think I’m a better version of ME! All by smiling at my dog! Who knew!?

Looks like Maggie isn’t the only one going to school these days…!

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Broken…

Finn was my constant companion when I hurt my ankle…

I’ll bet that anyone that has had a pet has been heartbroken at one time or another. I am living in that space right now.

Finn is 13 years old. Like many pets, certainly dogs, he is a perfect example of pure love, forgiveness, and being present. He never worries, holds grudges, or is in a bad mood. He has been an incredible friend and part of the family. As I write this, my eyes are filling with tears and the lump in my throat is making it difficult to swallow…because I know what is coming and it is breaking my heart.

Finn is suffering. He tries to hide it, but it’s getting the best of him. Not to get into specifics, my wife and I have come to the realization that we need to put an end to his suffering and allow ours to begin for a while… So tomorrow, we are going to have someone come to our house and have him put down.

….no words…

This morning coming to work, I was wrestling with that inevitable decision. I was praying as I drove to work and asking God to give me the strength to be able to go thru with it and then be able to comfort my wife for the difficult days to follow…then it hit me…

This is Easter week. Friday is Good Friday. If I am feeling this way knowing what I know I have to do tomorrow…I now know (in a very small way) how God must have felt knowing what He had to do…

It’s amazing how many Easters I have experienced and how often I have read about and meditated on what Jesus willingly did for us…but I never thought about the anguish of God and what He was going through knowing that He was the one that would end the life of the one he loved so dearly… I can’t imagine…but now I have a small sense of the pain that must have been caused.

God did what needed to be done…regardless of the pain that it caused him. He did it for love. Love for His son and an even greater love for us…His creation. God did it for love.

Now I must do the same.

Finn has brought me an incredible amount of joy and happiness. He is being called home to begin his “forever life” and I need to release him to go…regardless of the pain. I need to do it for love…too.

The tears…the lump in my throat that won’t go away reminds me of that love…the love I have given and the love I have received.

Easter will be different this year…and probably for years to come with the realization of what love really looks…and feels like…. It’s not always pleasant…

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The Emperor’s New Clothes…

photo from Wikipedia

Last night when I came home after work, I was greeted by my wife who was excited to show me her new purchase…several new face masks that she bought at the grocery store… I managed to contain my excitement…

Fast forward to this morning at 4:53 am as I make my way to work and as I am driving, I am having my morning prayer time…

Typically when I pray, most of my focus is spent asking God to intervene or help me with my marriage, my work, my friends and my family, and then at the end, I throw in prayers for our leaders and our world. Most of my prayers are centered around the areas of life closest to me…but not now… Now my prayers are focused on a national and global scale and less about me…I’m truly perplexed…and I’m not sure what to do…

I believe that there is good within each and every situation…and we just have to stop and look for it. So as part of my prayer time this morning…I went looking for good… and here is what I found…

I saw behind the curtain…

  • I saw how easily and quickly we have given up our freedom and liberty.
  • I saw how quickly the entire world reacted in a similar manner. How did that happen?
  • I saw how quickly our way of being, our beliefs, and our values were rapidly exchanged for blind obedience.
  • I saw how the world is reacting to data that is not being verified and challenged.
  • I saw how questioning or challenging the social narrative is quickly discouraged not only by those “in charge”…but friends, neighbors, and society in general.

How does the entire world change so rapidly and so drastically and why are so many of us ok with it?

Then, I thought about the childhood story “The Emperor’s New Clothes” written by Hans Christian Andersen and published in 1837. As you recall, the story is about two weavers who promise an emperor a new suit of clothes. They say the fabric is invisible to those who are unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent – while in reality, they make no clothes at all! When the emperor parades before his subjects in his new “clothes”, no one dares to say that they do not see any suit of clothes on him for fear that they will be seen as stupid or incompetent. Finally, a child cries out saying, “He isn’t wearing anything at all!”

The simplicity of this childhood story published 183 years ago has never been more relevant than I believe it is today. We need more voices… Whatever or whoever is behind that curtain is not good. Despite what is said, they are not looking after our best interests. And it’s certainly not what God wants for all of us… If you don’t believe me…try going to church!

We need more voices…we need to question all information…we need to do what is right, not necessarily what we are told…we need to place our obedience in the one that loves us…created us… and died for us.

The state of this world should not be a surprise… and we’re probably not going to change it…however, we still have the power…and the responsibility … to choose how we will exist in it…is a choice that is entirely up to us.

I hope we will step back and look…look up…and then choose wisely.

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Fighting the “good” fight…

Game on…

Who would have thought that just a few months ago, the world would look the way it currently does… Fortunately, I still have a job that I can go to and do what I love to do. But I also realize this is not the case for many, many others. We are literally being bombarded with “apparent” reasons to stress out, worry, and be afraid.

I’m on conference calls several times a week discussing the constantly changing rules and requirements that need to be adhered to or implemented immediately. We truly are at war with an “unseen enemy”…but that is really nothing new…when you think about it…we’ve always been.

While COVID-19 seems to be the “enemy” of the day, we have always been in a constant fight against an unseen enemy. It’s been a battle not only for our health…it’s a battle for our thoughts, our beliefs, our marriages, and our souls. There is an unseen enemy that has plagued our lives from the very beginning and the sad part is…many of us just choose to ignore it. Millions of us have fallen victim to this enemy that literally wants to kill us, to ruin our lives or at least to make us give up on hope…but we can fight back.

But concerning the COVID-19 virus, we are being told to implement the following precautions:

  1. Maintain Social distancing
  2. Wash you hands
  3. Wear masks

But these precautions are also applicable to the spiritual enemy that we also face. Here’s what I mean…

  1. Social distancing. We need to stay away from things that do not uplift us. Stop watching the news, or movies or reading books that make you feel worse rather than better.
  2. Wash your hands. If we are not careful, bad things will stick to us that we need to get rid of. Have we inadvertently picked up or developed some habits that are not serving us? Are we putting things into our bodies that are bad for our long term? How about what we say? Are we encouraging or discouraging? How about our thoughts? Do we have thoughts of hope or thoughts of despair? Have we claimed our strength or given it away?
  3. Wear masks. How about how you appear to others? Do you smile? Do you walk with your shoulders back and standing tall? Do you whistle or hum? (I don’t believe you can do either of those if you’re in a bad mood). How to you appear to others? Have you ever thought about that?

Yes, we are in a battle…but we’ve always been…it’s just a different enemy coming from a different angle and unfortunately that situation is not going to go away…not for a long, long time.

There is good news though.

We can win this battle. But we have to fight each and every day. Get used to it. The world we currently inhabit is our battlefield and our enemy owns it…for now. We can “fight the good fight”, but we don’t have to do it alone. In fact, if you choose to go it alone…your chances of success are minimal if at all.

What am I getting at? Let me cut to the chase…

It breaks my heart to think about all the people in my life that have not given their life to Christ. I know that many of them feel if they do, they will be giving up something. They believe all the fun will go out of how they live. But all of that couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s in Him where we can find our strength, our security, and our hope that regardless of what happens…we are never alone or off His radar. He promises us this. “I will never leave you or forsake you.” That was His promise…and to date…when I look back on my life…many people have said something similar to me and have failed to live up to that promise…but Christ has never, ever let me down.

I can’t imagine going through this crisis, this life…without this assurance. In my relationship with Christ, I know with certainty one thing…that regardless of what happens…I’ll be alright…and I live each day by that assurance. As pastor Andy Stanley once said, “when you give your life to Christ, your problems are now His problem.” And frankly, I’m good with that!

How about you…aren’t you tired of going it alone?

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Character…

Recently, my wife and I took a local “staycation” to St. Petersburg, FL. We stayed in a nice hotel and just played tourist for the weekend. One morning we had breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants, The Mill. Along with breakfast, I had a glass of orange juice and from the moment I tasted it, I could tell it was fresh squeezed. It was amazing!

The next morning we had breakfast, this time at the hotel. Again, I ordered orange juice and this time I could certainly tell that it was anything BUT fresh-squeezed. The two couldn’t be more different, while they both originated from the same fruit the taste couldn’t compare.

The next day, I started thinking about my experience and the difference between the two juices and I thought about the verse in Matthew 7:

“By their fruit, you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.”

Picture a person in your life that has impacted you in a positive way. What attributes did they have that impacted you? These are the attributes that many call Character.

I believe – Character is what comes out of you when you are squeezed (when you experience adversity, pressure…) So my questions are…

  • What would come out of you?
  • Is it what you want?
  • Would someone put you on their list?

I don’t believe we can fake our own good character, it is simply revealed in us. Think of it like sediment… we only see it when we are shaken up. But where do we get it? Where can we find it?

I truly believe Character comes from what you are being fed. It comes from what you allow into your thoughts, what you are attached to, who you associate with, what you expose yourself to regularly.

Jesus said, I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

We have a choice of what (or whom) we are going to attach ourselves to…but be careful…this decision needs to be a very deliberate and intentional decision. Because it will also be what feeds us with thoughts, beliefs and it will shape the person we ultimately become.

Given the choice to be “fresh squeezed” is still a decision…choose wisely!

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Alignment…

Yesterday, I had a thought…I wondered if there was ANYTHING that got better when it was out of alignment. I couldn’t think of anything and even asked my team…and they were stumped as well.

Think about it…

Good relationships require alignment…communicating, sharing expectations and so forth…

Your car tires…naturally, drive better and smoother, and wear longer when they are regularly aligned.

As a Leader, one of the primary responsibilities is to get everyone aligned on the team’s goals and responsibilities.

Even in my “ever-changing” golf swing, one of my most basic swing faults is not having my body aligned correctly to the target. As a result, my body naturally begins to make all sorts of horrible compensations…and I then try to react to these compensations…and it goes downhill quickly…sound familiar?

Getting…and staying aligned is simple and basic, yet we often don’t take the time to make the effort…and as a result…all hell usually breaks out…

So take a look at your life…

Are you aligned with:

Your goals?

Your finances?

Your spouse?

Your friends and family?

Your faith?

Your little voice inside your head?

If not…write down what actions you need to take to get aligned…or at least better aligned!

Believe me…it’s worth the effort…and life doesn’t need more bumps in the road…

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The Magic Pill…

Yesterday, I went to get acupuncture for a pinched nerve in my back. The place where I went to is owned and operated by a wonderful Vietnamese family and they do remarkable work. As I sat in the examination room, the young Vietnamese therapist asked me when I first experienced the accident that caused the pinched nerve. I exclaimed, 1976! He commented that that was the year “he believed” he was born… Naturally, I didn’t let that comment go un-explained…so I inquired why “he believed” he was born in the year 1976. He shared the following brief story with me…

He said he arrived in this country by boat from Vietnam…as in a refugee boat. He said that during the trip, their boat was attacked by “pirates” not once, not twice, but on three different occasions. Each time, they stole all the food, water, and even the boat engine. They beat the men and raped the women. He said he “believed” he was about 4 years old when all this took place.

I was speechless…

As I prepared this morning for my regular staff meeting, the thought of this young Vietnamese man weighed heavily on my mind. As we move into the Thanksgiving week…I have so much to be grateful for. The life that I’ve lived as an American far surpasses the lives of most other people in other countries on this planet. The minor things that I view as “problems” are not problems at all…they are just minor inconveniences…not problems. Every night I’ve lived on this planet, I’ve had a roof over my head, food in my stomach and warm blankets to cover me when needed. That is a statement that far too many other people in this world cannot attest to…

So during my staff meeting, I asked my team if someone created a pill that if taken each day would make the following changes in your life…guaranteed! If there was such a pill…would they take it? This pill would:

  1. Make you happier
  2. Make people like you
  3. Make you healthier
  4. Boosts your career
  5. Strengthen your emotions
  6. Develop your personality
  7. Make you more optimistic
  8. Reduce materialism
  9. Make you less self-centered
  10. Increase self-esteem
  11. Improve your sleep
  12. Let you live longer
  13. Increase your energy level
  14. Make you more likely to exercise
  15. Make your memories happier
  16. Reduces envy
  17. Help you relax
  18. Make you friendlier
  19. Help your marriage
  20. Make you look good
  21. Deepen relationships
  22. Make you a more effective manager
  23. Increase your goal achievement
  24. Improve your decision making
  25. Increase your productivity

Naturally, they all said yes! Well…there is no such pill…but only a practice…the practice of being “grateful.” Gratitude, practiced daily has scientifically been proven to help you achieve these changes in your life. Gratitude…

As we move into this Thanksgiving week…I’m hoping we will all take some time to truly reflect on our lives and begin to notice all the things, all the people, all the experiences we have to be grateful for…

We are far better off than we sometimes think…