My Mom sent me this photo out of the blue…
Although I don’t remember it or the circumstances around my mishap, I do notice a couple of things:
- No protective gear. No helmet, no elbow guard…nothing to protect me from the abrasive surface of the concrete sidewalk I encountered.
- No help. As I lay on the ground after my fall, my loving parents chose to snap a photo rather than to run to my rescue.
- No crying. As you can see from my face, the fall was certainly not planned, but it was also completely under my control…I did it…I fell…
So what can I learn from this “ancient” photo of just one of the many random days of a child learning to live in this world…?
I think I first have to acknowledge that we all fall. We all fail. The difference is, some of us fall back and others of us fall forward.
We’ve all met people that fall back. First, they try to hide it. Then they try to place the blame on someone or something else. They are also clearly not at peace about it. Just talking about the incident whether it was yesterday or 30 years ago will unleash a torrent of emotions that surround the incident. Falling back is not healthy.
So what is falling forward?
Falling forward the act of using the incident to get better. It’s being better for having fallen. It’s learning to take the pain and grow from it into a much stronger and healthier you.
Falling forward I believe requires 4 primary steps.
- Reflect. We have to stop and think about what happened. We have to be objective about it and see it as a reporter would report the incident if they witnessed it.
- Own it. Regardless of what happened, we have to claim our responsibility in the event. We have to clearly see what we did and how it contributed to our fall…as painful as it might be.
- Course correct. We have to learn from it. We have to commit to a change in future behavior if we ever find ourselves in a similar situation.
- Be kind. We have to be kind to ourselves. We’ve had enough pain, we don’t need to invent more pain to inflict on ourselves. We also have to be kind to others. We can’t retreat or withdraw. Isolation does not make anything better…exposure usually does. Get back out there!
So there you have it…all of that from one random photo.
I have fallen thousands of times since that day. Many have produced significant amounts of pain for me and others…yet I’ve always tried to fall forward. Falling forward has given me a rich and deep life to reflect upon and I wouldn’t trade any of it…regardless of the pain. I’m a better man for it.
Falling is not failing. It’s a part of life…and a good one if you fall forward.