Author: Bob Cloyd

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Character…

Recently, my wife and I took a local “staycation” to St. Petersburg, FL. We stayed in a nice hotel and just played tourist for the weekend. One morning we had breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants, The Mill. Along with breakfast, I had a glass of orange juice and from the moment I tasted it, I could tell it was fresh squeezed. It was amazing!

The next morning we had breakfast, this time at the hotel. Again, I ordered orange juice and this time I could certainly tell that it was anything BUT fresh-squeezed. The two couldn’t be more different, while they both originated from the same fruit the taste couldn’t compare.

The next day, I started thinking about my experience and the difference between the two juices and I thought about the verse in Matthew 7:

“By their fruit, you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.”

Picture a person in your life that has impacted you in a positive way. What attributes did they have that impacted you? These are the attributes that many call Character.

I believe – Character is what comes out of you when you are squeezed (when you experience adversity, pressure…) So my questions are…

  • What would come out of you?
  • Is it what you want?
  • Would someone put you on their list?

I don’t believe we can fake our own good character, it is simply revealed in us. Think of it like sediment… we only see it when we are shaken up. But where do we get it? Where can we find it?

I truly believe Character comes from what you are being fed. It comes from what you allow into your thoughts, what you are attached to, who you associate with, what you expose yourself to regularly.

Jesus said, I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

We have a choice of what (or whom) we are going to attach ourselves to…but be careful…this decision needs to be a very deliberate and intentional decision. Because it will also be what feeds us with thoughts, beliefs and it will shape the person we ultimately become.

Given the choice to be “fresh squeezed” is still a decision…choose wisely!

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Alignment…

Yesterday, I had a thought…I wondered if there was ANYTHING that got better when it was out of alignment. I couldn’t think of anything and even asked my team…and they were stumped as well.

Think about it…

Good relationships require alignment…communicating, sharing expectations and so forth…

Your car tires…naturally, drive better and smoother, and wear longer when they are regularly aligned.

As a Leader, one of the primary responsibilities is to get everyone aligned on the team’s goals and responsibilities.

Even in my “ever-changing” golf swing, one of my most basic swing faults is not having my body aligned correctly to the target. As a result, my body naturally begins to make all sorts of horrible compensations…and I then try to react to these compensations…and it goes downhill quickly…sound familiar?

Getting…and staying aligned is simple and basic, yet we often don’t take the time to make the effort…and as a result…all hell usually breaks out…

So take a look at your life…

Are you aligned with:

Your goals?

Your finances?

Your spouse?

Your friends and family?

Your faith?

Your little voice inside your head?

If not…write down what actions you need to take to get aligned…or at least better aligned!

Believe me…it’s worth the effort…and life doesn’t need more bumps in the road…

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The Magic Pill…

Yesterday, I went to get acupuncture for a pinched nerve in my back. The place where I went to is owned and operated by a wonderful Vietnamese family and they do remarkable work. As I sat in the examination room, the young Vietnamese therapist asked me when I first experienced the accident that caused the pinched nerve. I exclaimed, 1976! He commented that that was the year “he believed” he was born… Naturally, I didn’t let that comment go un-explained…so I inquired why “he believed” he was born in the year 1976. He shared the following brief story with me…

He said he arrived in this country by boat from Vietnam…as in a refugee boat. He said that during the trip, their boat was attacked by “pirates” not once, not twice, but on three different occasions. Each time, they stole all the food, water, and even the boat engine. They beat the men and raped the women. He said he “believed” he was about 4 years old when all this took place.

I was speechless…

As I prepared this morning for my regular staff meeting, the thought of this young Vietnamese man weighed heavily on my mind. As we move into the Thanksgiving week…I have so much to be grateful for. The life that I’ve lived as an American far surpasses the lives of most other people in other countries on this planet. The minor things that I view as “problems” are not problems at all…they are just minor inconveniences…not problems. Every night I’ve lived on this planet, I’ve had a roof over my head, food in my stomach and warm blankets to cover me when needed. That is a statement that far too many other people in this world cannot attest to…

So during my staff meeting, I asked my team if someone created a pill that if taken each day would make the following changes in your life…guaranteed! If there was such a pill…would they take it? This pill would:

  1. Make you happier
  2. Make people like you
  3. Make you healthier
  4. Boosts your career
  5. Strengthen your emotions
  6. Develop your personality
  7. Make you more optimistic
  8. Reduce materialism
  9. Make you less self-centered
  10. Increase self-esteem
  11. Improve your sleep
  12. Let you live longer
  13. Increase your energy level
  14. Make you more likely to exercise
  15. Make your memories happier
  16. Reduces envy
  17. Help you relax
  18. Make you friendlier
  19. Help your marriage
  20. Make you look good
  21. Deepen relationships
  22. Make you a more effective manager
  23. Increase your goal achievement
  24. Improve your decision making
  25. Increase your productivity

Naturally, they all said yes! Well…there is no such pill…but only a practice…the practice of being “grateful.” Gratitude, practiced daily has scientifically been proven to help you achieve these changes in your life. Gratitude…

As we move into this Thanksgiving week…I’m hoping we will all take some time to truly reflect on our lives and begin to notice all the things, all the people, all the experiences we have to be grateful for…

We are far better off than we sometimes think…

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One coin…two sides…

We all want to have the freedom to believe what we want…and to do what we want…but when things don’t work out the way we want…we get upset and usually (especially lately) we look for someone else to blame.

Blame is everywhere! It’s always the first thing people reach for. It’s become our “go-to” action to justify our pain or unhappiness that is a result of actions that we most likely took or failed to take. And the funny thing is…once we have found someone or something to place the blame on…it rarely, if ever removes our pain…and many times…it only enhances it! So why do we do it? Why do we think blame is a viable option for pain relief?

I think it’s because blame is easy. It requires no new action on our part. It requires no discipline. It requires no risk. It’s safe…and it’s ineffective.

You see, I believe Actions and Consequences are two sides of the same coin. You take an action…you get a consequence.

Let’s take a look at the actual word…

“Consequence” = Con + Sequence

We all know that Con means Against. And we all know that a Sequence is a particular order in which related events, movements, or things are expected to follow each other.

So when we put that understanding together…it basically means that a “consequence” is an outcome from an action that is opposite of what is expected! No wonder people don’t want to accept the consequences of their actions!

It’s not was expected! It’s not what we wanted! So we’re not going to accept it! We’re going to blame (or transfer) the consequences of our actions of someone else! But we can’t…because it’s the same coin. Actions and Consequences are permanently bonded together!

Pleasurable undisciplined actions most always result in unpleasurable consequences.

But the flipside is also true…

If you want pleasurable consequences…you need to take unpleasurable disciplined actions!

Life ain’t easy…it was never designed to be…

Two sides…one coin…

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…Guest contributor…

Bob has allowed me to write a bit on his blog.

It’s odd that he would make such a choice due to the decline of our relationship over the past few years. Yes, Bob and I go back a very long time. He and I have been together since he was a kid. I was friends with all of his high school friends and especially all of his college friends! We got together just about every weekend during that time. We use to spend every holiday together and as he grew older, we even traveled together. We rarely went a week without seeing each other. I miss Bob…but evidently…he doesn’t miss me…go figure…after all we’ve been through.

That’s ok. I still hang out with lots of Bob’s friends and even some of his family. They love me and so do millions of other people! Heck, I’m on TV all the time, I’m in the movies, I’m in just about every magazine. Yep, I’m pretty popular with just about everyone and its been that way long before I knew Bob.

So if Bob doesn’t want me in his life anymore…tough…I’m just going to involve myself in the lives of all those people around him. He can’t get rid of me that easy! I won’t allow it. I don’t understand why he wants me out of his life…

Maybe it’s because of my reputation…

You see, people that hang out with me…well…frankly speaking…their lives pretty much get worse. I don’t know why (not really)…but they do. I’m always there for those that love me (and even some that don’t). I’m there when people are celebrating and when they are lonely. I’m there when people are pursuing the love of their life and when they have found the love of their life. I’m there when people are worried and even when they drag themselves home after a long day. I’m always making myself available, yet…when things go bad… I’m usually to blame. But get this…even when things got worse…guess who the first person people would call…you got it…me.

Well, I’ll just be patient. I like Bob…even if he hates me. I’ll wait him out…he’ll come back around…they usually do. In the meantime, there are plenty of people that like me and want to hang out with me…regardless of my reputation. I’ll always be around…

Cheers!

Mr. Al C. Hall

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The Currency of Words…

When one thinks about a unit of currency, for instance, a dollar bill…the value of the bill does not rest in the printed paper itself, but what it represents to others. The value of that piece of paper is a shared belief and agreement between everyone that comes in contact with it. Simple right?

But is it the same for something else we share with others…our words… Are they worth the same to both parties? Even the words we say to ourselves…do we choose those words with equal care?

I ran across a story a year or so ago about a young man that honored his recently deceased father at the father’s funeral. In giving the eulogy, the son remarked, “My father was an average man. He was no war hero. He never wrote a book. He never ran marathons. He was a pharmacist. No recognition. No fame. But for everything that made my father “average” and “every day,” there was one thing he did exceptionally well. He kept his promises. My father was a man of his word.”

The son later printed out what he referred to as “promise cards” to help remind people of the importance of keeping commitments. This simple act turned into a movement that has changed the lives of people all over the world!

The idea was simple…write on the card what you wanted and then…keep your commitment!

If you say it…you do it!

How different our lives would be if we just did this one thing! Keeping our commitments to ourselves and to everyone else.

Do what you say…

Wouldn’t you value someone that consistently did that? Even if it were you?

Now seems like a perfect time to start…

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Happiness…a lagging indicator…

I am so tired of hearing people say, “I just want to be happy!”

Whether they are struggling in a relationship or a difficult job or situation, the plea is always the same…if this one thing would just change, everything would be better and then they would be happy.

So why is it so difficult for some people to be happy?

I believe it’s because they are focusing on happiness (the end result) and not the actions that must precede it to be happy!

Happiness is not a destination. It is the result of consistent actions that you took that resulted in you being happy. No action… equals…no happy. You must take an action.

Happiness is the lingering fragrance of an action that you have taken…and sometimes that fragrance may take some time before you notice it…but take heart…you will…if you continue to take action.

Love the consistent actions you take and happiness will find you…guaranteed.

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Where do you go?

I was driving to work early one morning and I had to stop for gas. As I stood there beside my car listening to the sound of gas flowing through the hose and spilling into my empty tank, I thought… isn’t it interesting that I have to drive somewhere to get gas so I can keep going. Then I thought…

Where do I go to get filled up?

Some people I know go to a bar to get filled up by drinking. That glass of wine or beer after a rough day gives them the feeling of being relaxed and trouble free, but also comes with many negative by-products.

Some people go online to get filled by social media. The feeling of getting “likes or hearts” on a post or photo is enough to make them feel seen or appreciated for a while, but it’s only for a moment.

Some people go to the gym. A good sweat and workout make them feel better…and better about how they look. Then they walk out of the gym and blend into the world that looks beyond them.

Some people just work harder and longer hours. It’s like all those hours will someday be recognized and appreciated by someone else. And they are, just not in the way you think…

Some people go out into nature (I do too), and they feel a sense of awe and renewal and peace. But it is more of a “spectator sport” in my opinion. That sense of awe I’m feeling is usually for the creation…not the creator.

The point is…we all “go somewhere” to get filled up. We all have realized that we can only go for so long and so far on our own… and at some point…we run out of gas and need to once again go somewhere to…fill the tank.

But the point is also this…it´s really important to know where to go and what we choose to put in our tank. In fact, it’s critical! Where we go and what we choose to “plug into” to make us feel full, important, relaxed, loved, seen, appreciated, or whatever it is we might need…matters.

It matters because it does more to you than just fill you up…it affects many aspects of your mind, your spirit, and your body. It shapes how you view yourself, how you view others and how you view and interact with the world as a whole. It matters…because you take all of that with you.

For me…I go out on the water by myself in my kayak. It’s where I can talk to God. It’s where I can confess how much I don’t know, don’t understand and can’t control. It’s where I can pour all of myself out…and then a funny thing happens… I begin filling up.

I begin filling up with peace, with certainty, and with joy. It happens each and every time. I pour out…I get filled up.

I go to the water and I plug into God.

Jesus knew this when He said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

I know where my strength comes from…and it doesn’t come from me or anything I can eat, drink or do…I need to empty…so I can be filled. I get filled by a relationship…a relationship that I cherish and has been made possible for anyone that needs it… or wants it.

Clunk…I guess the tank is full!

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Bootlace lessons…

I was tying my boots up this morning like I usually do and I noticed that once again, there was one section of the lace that was wearing significantly and was ready to break. This is frustrating to me because they always wear out in one place… on one lace… and then I have to throw them both out.

I would go through a pair of bootlaces about every 3 months. So I got frustrated and specifically went on Amazon and ordered these high-tech boot laces (made of something like Kevlar or something ) and they were supposed to be extremely strong and last much longer than any others…well not so much…

I started thinking…are these laces trying to tell me something?

I’ve got identical laces that are 54″ long. Each lace is threaded through similar holes and is subjected to similar stresses, yet only one spot on one lace has routinely experienced significant wear.

I see this frayed spot on the lace every time I put on my boots. And each time, I silently ask it to hold on…one more day… The funny thing about frayed laces is this. Once you get them laced up…the frayed area of the lace gets hidden! To the outside world…nobody can tell that I’m just a few strands away from a “boot blowout.”

Is this like my life?

Could I have one area in my life that is wearing significantly despite the health of everything else? Are my boot laces trying to alert me to the fact that I need to do some personal assessments to check the relative health of all the different aspects of myself?

I think so. I think it is also true of most of us…we don’t have to dig too deep into our self-analysis to find an area of our lives that need some attention and repair. Left untreated…we all just maybe a few strands away from a blowout…

As my favorite pastor, Andy Stanley says, “Pay attention to the tension.”

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Separated…

Last week I was watching the local news and there was a story about an experienced diver who was out in the Gulf of Mexico diving and got separated from his boat. (Read the story here). The resulting ordeal led to the man treading water in the open Gulf for 24 hours until he was eventually rescued. I’m sure when the diver went out that day, he never intended to become separated, we never do, but sometimes it just happens…

The story hit close to home with me… It reminded me of the time I went lobster diving with my friend Hal Flowers in Key West. (Yes, another Hal story…) This time we were out in the Gulf checking on some of the lobster traps he had previously set the weekend before. It was just he and I and we had been working the area for several hours already and it was getting close to the end of our day.

We had just anchored the boat over the spot our coordinates had indicated the traps were located. We both geared up with our dive masks, fins, and tanks and both went over the side of the boat.

Once in the water, I immediately noticed that the current had picked up significantly and was making it difficult to swim. Our plan was to swim against the current out past the trap locations and then turn back and swim with the current back to the boat as we checked on each trap.

As we moved out away from the boat, about 30´under the water, the current was not only making the swim difficult, it was making the visibility very difficult. Hal and I swam together and at times he would venture off and explore the underside of a rock ledge for random lobster gatherings as would I. But despite the decreasing visibility, we tried to keep together…or at least where we could see each other.

As I continued to swim, I was also keeping tabs of my remaining oxygen. The struggle against the current was causing me to work harder and as a result, I was using my oxygen at a rate much faster than I wanted. In fact, I was worried. It was that low…

As I continued to swim and check my gauge, I soon realized that Hal was now out of sight. I couldn’t see anything past about 5 feet in front of me and the current had changed directions and was really swirling and kicking up the sand. I felt like I was swimming in a snow globe!

I looked at my gauge and I was now in the red zone. I was running out of air. So I swam to the surface hoping to get a bearing on the boat and just swim back to it and wait for Hal. But when I reached the surface, the weather had also changed drastically. A storm had rolled in and the wind and waves were kicking up and the boat was nowhere to be seen. I looked in every direction and as the 5-foot waves bobbed me up and down there was no boat to be seen.

So I reluctantly went back down to about 20 feet and started swimming with the current. I had absolutely no idea where the boat was…I was in trouble…I was just riding the fierce current and wondering when I would take my last breath of air.

I couldn’t see a thing and just continued to swim with the weight of increasing panic closing in on me as I readied myself for what I was going to do once I ran out of air…which would be very, very soon… I thought that I would surface and inflate my buoyancy vest and then just wait it out…whatever “it” was going to be. I wasn’t panicked…but more of a feeling of dread was coming over me…

I looked at my air gauge and this time it was empty as I tried to limit my breaths to only short ones when I absolutely needed them. I continued to ride the current in a direction, not of my choosing…then…through the swirling green water… I saw something…

Off in the distance, I saw what looked like a rope extending from the surface down towards the bottom to an anchor. I anxiously reached the rope and took hold of it just as I took the very last breath the tank had for me…and I ascended to the surface not knowing what was on the other end of this rope…

When I came to the surface…there it was…OUR boat. The greatest sight I’ve ever seen in my life and of course, there was Hal on the boat asking…”Hey man, where did you go?”

I didn’t answer…I just pulled myself back in the boat…now…a very different person.

When I look back on that day, I realize several things…

1. I wasn’t a “believer” then, but I knew right then and there…I was carried back to that boat by something much stronger and much more powerful than that current. 2. I knew that I had screwed up by losing my dive partner, but I also knew that had not been alone. 3. I was still a long way from accepting my Savior, but that didn’t stop Him from saving me.

Years later, and now a Christian, I was reading the Bible for the first time, and I came upon this verse…

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

I may have been separated from Hal on that day…but now I know, I was never alone…and knowing this truth… has made all the difference …