Month: February 2016

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I have a feeling…tonight’s the night

Today has been a day that I have not been particularly productive. I got up and went to check out a nearby farmers market. I bought carrots, tomatoes and eggs. I used the carrots, onion, chicken breast in a soup that I made in my new crockpot.

After the farmers market, I walked down the street to check out a new breakfast restaurant called Santa Clara’s. It was a wonderful bakery and good cheap eats. It took a while to get my food, but it was good. I then walked into town to pick up Amy’s house numbers and then returned home.

I worked on my new iPhone because it wasn’t syncing anymore and finally got that working. Hugo and his wife are here and they will be having people over for lunch on the roof today.

I got dressed and then walked to the gym. I did my 7 minute workout plus some weights and then came on home again. I rested and goofed around until about 6:00 debating whether to go out or not. I decided not. I need to remember why I’m here and what I’m supposed to be doing. Bars and restaurants are way too tempting and can quickly get me distracted, spending money and diluted. I don’t want any of those. I took a shower and from that point on…I began to feel the heaviness descend upon me.

I am trying to embrace the reality of my Dad’s situation and I realize that he will soon pass. I have been preparing for it and I thought I had everything under emotional control. But this dark heaviness is telling me that tonight is the night. That may or may not be the case…but the reality of that message really makes me sad. I don’t want to do anything. I am not hungry (partially because the soup sucked) and I don’t really want to watch a movie. I just want to hold onto… and be held by God. That is what I want. I want to be held in the arms of my Savior.

I’m not running from this reality, but I am trying to package it differently. The word death is not a great word and it carries with it a termination…not a continuation. I realize that this will be the termination of Dad’s time on earth…but the word death doesn’t point to his return to the presence of Christ.

I also don’t like the word passing, or passed away. That seems so fleeting and inconsequential. Dads life was anything but inconsequential. He made a ton of miscues…but he is a wonderful loving father. I am lucky to have him.

What I would prefer to call this transition is an event. It is an event where God comes to return my Dad into His presence. Think of that…God coming for you….

I remember playing football in High School and during some of my practices, right before wind sprints and the final hitting drills, I would look up to see my Dad entering the practice field. He was on his way home from work and he stopped off to watch me practice and then take me home. I remember that feeling and I think that is what is happening now. I like to think that God has come to take Dad “home.”

Dad was created into the presence of God and in 1924, he was “loaned” to Allen and Louise Cloyd to learn, teach, and experience all the joys and disappointments that living has to offer. Dad’s life was rich with experiences and he left his fingerprints on the lives of many others along the way. He was blessed with a long life and he used it to try to make others feel good around him.

I am sure that I contributed much worry and heartache to Dad’s life, but I think I also gave him some wonderful moments that made him proud. I am lucky to have been told many times how much I was loved by him and many times he expressed how proud he was of me. Dad was full of grace.

That is how I will remember him…full of forgiving grace.

So tonight as I fully immerse myself in the coming reality…and the pain it will bring…I delight in the fact that my Heavenly Father is coming to take my Dad home with him so there will be no more earthly pain and Dad will begin his new life, in a new body, surrounded by all those that have been called home before him.

I worship a wonderful and loving God and I thank him for the Grace that He has given my family and my Dad to be able to enjoy life together with him as we have done for so many years.

One thing my Dad always, said when we talked on the phone….right before we hung up…he would always say, “I check with ya later!”

Dad, I’m holding you to that promise!

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Unrealized Dreams…

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As I write this, I am sitting in Costa Rica on a mandatory “visa run” as they call it. I have to leave Guatemala every three months until I can apply for and get my work visa.

Anyway, learned a very important lesson yesterday that I only realized today as I wrote in my journal. The owner of the hotel told me about a hike that I should take where you walk up to an abandoned restaurant that was started and never completed and overlooks the entire coast and Jaco Beach. The hike would require me to walk about 5 miles from the hotel before I even reached the base of the trail. I had nothing but time…and decided to give it a try.

I left the hotel yesterday at about 8:30 am and headed down the hill to the main road that would lead me into the north side of Jaco Beach. I then turned south and continued through the center of town, walking by shops selling all types of souvenirs and restaurants selling every type of food imaginable. Continuing south I passed all types of tourists, locals, and surfer types.

By 10:30 am I was at the base of the trail where I inquired of two young women that appeared to be in their 20’s, with two (very loud) three-year-old children, if I was on the right trail. One of the girls said, “Sí, Arriba!” So, I began to “Arriba” up the trail.

The climb was a winding dirt road through a relatively dense amount of trees and foliage. I had been told I might see white-faced monkeys on the trail, so I was on the lookout for movement and sound of any type. The road kept going up and I came to a vista that offered me my first view of the Costa Rican coastline and Jaco Beach. Beautiful. Several more people soon arrived and not long afterward the two girls with the noisy kids passed and shouted to me, “keep going…there is more to see!” (Hold that thought…)

I responded I would and I let them get ahead of me on the trail before I continued up. I continued the ever-winding uphill climb, eyes peeled for monkeys, lizards, lions, tigers, bears, or dinosaurs of any type…nothing.

Finally the “up” gave way to a small path that led off the main path and deeper into the jungle. The remains of a concrete sidewalk with a beautiful Roman-style balustrade railing made of concrete led me deeper into the jungle. About 100 yards into the jungle, the path opens up to an expansive multi-level structure of tile floor and concrete columns and archways that all worked together to frame the view of the Costa Rican coastline and Jaco Beach. It was stunning…the view at least.

I didn’t think much about it then, but today as I reflected on it…I was greatly saddened by remembering my walk down that path and ultimately viewing the beginning of someone’s unrealized vision. I hope I never have to walk down such a path again…but I know I will. It’s heartbreaking.

Years ago someone had the vision to create a beautiful mountainside restaurant and for whatever reason…the obstacles they encountered proved overpowering and they abandoned their project and vision. What remained was overgrown, in disrepair, and had been taken over by “self-proclaimed graffiti artists”, in essence…it was ugly.

Today I thought about it and I think the same thing happens to all unrealized dreams…once abandoned…they no longer retain the brilliance of hope and the luster of possibility. Without constant monitoring and upkeep, they become ugly with regret and the roots of personal failure begin to take over.

It was a powerful lesson and one that empowers me to continue to try to bring the light of hope to the people I meet. There is power and life in hope, vision, and dreams and unfortunately, there is also the opposite once that light goes out…and I don’t want that to happen to anyone.

The path to our dreams is ALWAYS an uphill hike. It is ALWAYS going to be tough…“but keep going…there is (ALWAY) more to see” and the ultimate view is spectacular.

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UPDATE:

I’ve since learned that the reason the project was abandoned was that the owner passed away. This reinforces another very important aspect of not only creating a vision but sustaining that vision. Part of good leadership is planting your vision in the mind and hearts of others so that they too can participate in helping to make your vision a reality. Politicians do it, military leaders do it and so do all great leaders. You must GROW your vision in others!

Clearly, this important step was omitted in this particular case…and the results speak for themselves…tragic.

Don’t let it happen to you!